Okay... Really bad idea to go as a Shadow Fiend...
I had no idea that showers could hurt so much...
My skin is red and raw, and it's pracically peeling...
Okay.. Too much info...

Other than that, it's good.
Mental Note: Never ever paint yourself black again. Serious injury or death may occur.

Was at Kelvin and Cynthia's Wedding today.
It was a wonderful event for them! And an equally good day for me.
Met up with lots of old church pals, and chatting, and having lunch together, etc, etc...
It was good.
And now I sit at home.
Waiting... Waiting...

Big Changes

The letter arrived today, big changes in 5 weeks.
My heart sinks at the sight. My feet grows heavy, and I'm shuffling everywhere I go.
Obviously, I'm not in a very good mood right now.
The only thing that keeps me smiling is the thought that we'll see each other soon.

Literary Diary up and running.

Dear readers,

To the few people who do read my blog, thanks for reading with me thus far.
As I mentioned in my previous post, that will be the last literary work that I will post up on this blog.
I will be moving all my literary works to a new blog now. So if you're here to read the little poems, phrases and verses, this isn't the place for it anymore.
All of those will now be on http://www.thayron-literarydiary.blogspot.com/
Please take note that this new blog is by invite only. You can drop a comment on this post, send me an email via facebook, or email me if you're interested in being invited.
Once again, thanks to the the few readers who've read with me thus far!

Yours lovingly,
Ayron.

I want to...

I bring my knees to my chest.
Feeling the beating of my heart.
Hearing my heavy breathing.
Feeling the coldness of the floor.

The Autumn leaves are falling now.
The red, the orange, the yellow.
The dancing leaves blown in the wind.
Like royalty at a ball.

It's cold out there, behind the glass.
It's warm and safe in here.
But how long before I crumble?
How long before I fall?

I long to be held in your arms.
To be held in your soft embrace.
For you to hold me gently,
As a mother does her babe.

I want to be your joy.
I want to be your comfort.
Just as you are to me always.
Just as you've always been.

I want to kiss away your tears.
I want chase away your fears.
I want to cook breakfast for you.
To be there when you call.

So there's my declaration.
I await on the floor.
Seek me out before I crumble.
Please, don't let me fall.



P.S: Probably the last literary work that I will post here. I'm in the process of finding time off to start a new blog for my literary work. Will update about it soon.

The man who only wanted to be free.

I am screaming deep within.
Eating away at my soul.
But no one hears and no one cares.
I am left completely alone.

The faces I see are strange.
Distorted by Disgust. Pity. Anger.
What have I done to deserve this?
Nothing that I've asked for.

I look for love around me.
But there is none to be found.
Only cold harsh glares and firey rhetoric.
From the pulpit to the street.

The day is passed in agony.
The pain to keep up the facade.
It eats away from within me.
Killing me slowly, softly.

Till one day I am souless.
No emotions inside me.
Just an empty shell of a man.
That only wanted to be free.

The Law of Returns

A sum borrowed must always be repaid.
Kindness with kindness.
Evil with evil
Love with love
Hatred with hatred.
Happiness... with unhappiness.
Strangely, it is the only one that returns as the opposite.

Freedom for one day...
Free from thinking too much.
And it has to slip from me some time.
Which is now.

I've lost the euphoria.
I've lost the mood.
The insanity creeps in slowly.
So too do the bars.

Dancing shadows

The red, the green. The blue, the yellow.
The flashing strobe lights.
The thumping beats, the trance inducing rythm.
My heart beats in tune with the music.

I look around, nothing but shadows.
Moving about in unsychronicity.
They bump into each other, unable to escape the touch.
Shadows. Featureless, yet beautiful to behold.

I wish you were here.

Valrhona chocolates.
A bottle of Rose.
Rain and cloudy skies.
Alone at home with no one but Kino.
Watching horror movies.
Writing little poems.
Drawing abstract art.
Listening to great music.
Looking forward to nightfall.
I wish you were here to share this with me.

*Yawn*
It's a brand new day!
Mum's coming back tomorrow, which means I get paid! Haha! Payday! My favourite time of the month.
I'm gonna hit the showers, and then have my breakfast!
Prata with curry! And maybe it's a little early, but I'll just indulge and have a bottle of riesling to go with it *Grin*
Yes, I know I shouldn't, yet I want to! Hahaha.
Well, first thing's first. A shower.

It's Raining! It's Raining! It's Raining!!!

I've never been so happy to see it rain! HahaHaha!!!
Goodness, I'm giddy with joy!!! *giggles*

Post No. 400

I've certainly got a bit of history to read.
Ah well, history... Always interesting. Never a dull moment.
I'm bored. Well and truly bored.
I think I'll start on my new art piece.
2 of them have been done. Will start on the 3rd and 4th tomorrow.

Going up to facebook is probably my biggest mistake today.
It's not helping my situation at all...

I thought you were going to get over it?
What's going on now?

Fuck off... I know that I'm supposed to get over it...
And I don't know what to think...
I did get a message, but that's the only nice thing about it...

You have to get over it...
I'll tell you what to think, and you'll listen.
Okay?

Fine, we'll talk later...
I gotta get back to work...

I'm calm now...
I'm calm now...
I'm calm now...
Whatever happened between the both of us is now done.
Thanks. I'm just going to grab some sleep now.
Return back to where you came from.
And nightmares await.

Everything will be fine... You'll see...
Schlaf gut.

Stop it Ayron. It's wrong.
It's not right...
It's a selfish thing to do.
Snap out of it and distant yourself.

But I can't!
Don't you see?! I can't!
And don't even tell me to try!
Because I can't! I won't!

God! Listen to yourself!
What's wrong? What's happened to you?
You need to sit down and think!
Get your answer and then forget about it...
Don't do this to yourself. It hurts...

And what about me?!
Do you think that this doesn't hurt me?!
I want it to be real. I want it so bad...
But knowing that it probably won't be true.
Or that it might be taken from me any minute...
What is this feeling that troubles me so?
I've never felt it so deep within.

Please, my son...
I wish you would stop thinking about it.
It's not good for you... And I want you to be happy.

You know what makes me happy...
And you know you can't give it.

It's nothing.
You don't know everything, Ayron.
No facts, only assumptions.
Assumptions will not lead you anywhere.

And if I don't act now, then what?
Lose it all? I can't stand it if I do.
I'm not sure what'll happen.
I'll move on and find something else to contemplate.
Perhaps...

And you must know this...
Silence is golden. If you do tell, and the results aren't what you expect.
Then all is lost. As much as they say things will remain the same..
They won't. You know this...
Trust me.

Pff... My confusion leds to frustration.
But if my confusion leads to frustration, could it be portents of something I've been dreading?
That whatever we are is actually non-existent?
That we could lose it all in an eye blink?

But still, under the surface, I have an inkling that that is not true.
That the reason for my frustration is my continuous lack of answers.
I have mine, but I don't have the other party's.
And that is the most important piece of the puzzle.

I need that answer, but daren't procure it.
Do I fear the answer? Yes I do.
Do I leave myself hanging in suspense. I don't want.
But if I fear the answer, then I must live with the suspense.

Only when I have become brave, and fear nothing,
Can I finally begin to get my answer.
And before such a time, I shall have to content myself with what I have.
And know that I may never get my answer.

I am still confused...
I've been thinking, but I could never get the answer.
I'm still thinking, and thinking.
And if one day, I do have the answer, what then?
Do I tell and risk it all?
Or do I stay silent and lose it all?
I need to think some more..

I do not know what happened.
I only know that it was not supposed to.
I wa supposed to stay home and wait.
Waiting for that moment.
Instead I left. I was persuaded by a few words.
I softened my stance and went along.
I am a sheep in a wolf's skin.
Vulnerable, fragile, frightened.

The screen melts away.
The sun hides behind the hills.
The moon fades away.
The stars die.

I'm left alone.
In the dark.
In a familiar yet scary place.
And I sit and stare.

I dare not move.
I dare not breathe.
I dare not look.
I dare not live.

I feel it coming.
Nearer and nearer.
It sets it's eyes on me.
It desires me.

The monster, it's here.
In the room with me.
In the light of the red moon,
It stares at me.

I am consumed.
Piece by piece.
My skin, my flesh.
My spirit, my soul.

Three Souls in One

Have I become so attached to you that I'm bordering on paranoia?
Perhpas the distance is the one thing keeping us together.
Familiarity breeds contempt. That's what people say.
Perhaps it's the distace that brings us closer to one another.

Three Souls in One.
The intellectual, the artist, the writer.
Three Souls in One.
One cannot live without the other

Appreciation.

To probably the 2 most important friends to me...
You have lots to account for. The both of you have made me walk a road.
A road that I once took. But I swerved and changed from the walking path to a little dirt road.
On that little dirt road, the things I saw, and the things I experienced. I wasn't ready for it.
And I didn't like it... But then I met you. Things could only get better for me.
You helped me to feel confident in myself again. To be who I am, without needing to conform to society, or any clique. You helped me to appreciate myself again. Because I knew that the both of you liked me for who I am.
Be it my style, my personality, my characteristics. You liked it. And I found myself drawn to you.
I never knew that such a trip to a far away land could make such a thing happen.
But there, I had found my fellow soul. Perhaps it's too early to be writing such things.
Perhaps things might happen that may cause us to drift apart.
I hope that never happens. And if I were a praying man, I would pray for it not to happen.
But still, it's important that the both of you know how I feel...
One of you will read this. The other won't. But I'm still writing anyways, I don't know why.
In anycase, this is how I feel. So... Thanks. I wish I could do more than just write and say thank you.
I wish I could be there to take you guys out for a dinner, or a drink. Nothing spectacular, I know.
But it would be way better than writing this to you.

Very, very, sincerely,
Your friend,
Ayron Elijah Sim

Bought a whole bunch of DVDs after dinner last night...
Still no sign of James Cameron's Avatar... Which made me a little less than sad...
But still having a whole bunch of horror movies, documentaries, foreign shows, does make me feel a little better.
Buying a new game helped that as well.

Gonna be off to work soon, and work my butt off. (Figuratively)
I wish there was no need for money... Alas, that's what the communists wanted, and I don't see it happening for a few more hundreds of years. But anywho I'll be back to enjoy some R&R later in the afternoon.
Gosh... I miss you...



What happens when the curtain falls?
The masks are dropped and so are the walls.
Behind the huge velvet curtains of the opera stage.
We look at each other, the 2 young men of age.

We both take steps forward,
Thinking of how to form our word.
Before you know it we're in front of each other.
Still staring and staring beyond the thoughts and bother.

In the light of the shadows.
In the presence of the crows.
We sit there on the edge.
Together we fall off the ledge.

Why do I smile when I see you?
Why do I feel good when I think of you?
Why do I feel all warm and fuzzy when we chat?
Why am I feeling the way I do?

What is this strange and new sensation?
This alien emotion?
Help me to understand.
Teach me, guide me.

What can I do?
I wait and wait but you never come.
You're here, but you aren't.
Should I wait still?
Should I leave?
Both seem unreasonable.
Yet reasonable at the same time.
Perhaps I'm expecting too much.
I should loosen my grip perhaps.
But if I do I'll be afraid.
And if I don't I suffocate.
To live or to die.
What is good for me?
What isn't?
I have no idea...

Another lonely night.
I stare out the window.
I'm greeted by the moon and the stars.
They smile and twinkle in the dark of the night.
With kind sweet words of an alien language,
They lull me to sleep.
To sleep I shall go, and from sleep I shall return.
To the world where nothing is as it seems.
To the world where dreams are made real.
I shall dream of you, or at least I hope I shall.
Then I won't feel so lonely.
Talk to me when you can will you?
I miss you...

Well, friday's booked... and Saturday... Ugh...
Saturday is another night at the uber expensive PS Cafe... again.
On some hill in some remote location in Singapore, which I still have no idea of how to get there by cheaper modes of transportation...

Should I go?
I'm not miserly, and would spend the money, but I won't be happy...
But she's a friend after all...

Graaaaahhhh!!!!

Pff... Well, well, well...
Looks like I'm in for some fun next friday.
Wonder what's gonna happen. Should I dress to kill?
Or should I just go as casual as usual?
Hmm... Decisions, decisions.
In anycase, I'm only going cause you're my friend.
OH, and also because you asked me.
Well, see you then.

Paranoia fades away.

My paranoia faded away this morning.
And my sleep was well. I went to bed smiling.
But it's been replaced by this little sting to my heart.
A feeling that burns me.
I feel... Jealous?
Afraid?
I don't know... Both?

If you ever left me, I don't know what I'd do.
I'd cry and cry and sob and sob, but in the end, I'll realize that it's true.
I'll think of the all fun we've had, and all the sorrows we've shared.
But in the end, I'll find some way to pick myself up again.

We'll both move on, you and I, and live out our lives.
But something in us will change as we've seen through each others eyes.
We might speak again, we might not. The hurt that it'll bring, unbearable.
And sooner or later we'll drift further apart, though that's not what I wish.

I'll think of you constantly. Every night and day.
"Please, I wish you'd stop, it's hurting your soul." I guess, that's what you'll say.
"I'll try my best, but I make no promise." That's what I'll reply.
But in my mind the answer is "Never! The memories are all that I have left."

I hope what I've written will never come to pass.
But the fates may conspire against us and tear up both apart.
I become paranoid and drown in my deepest desire.
...

The Lonely Man

The body at rest. The eyes closed.
Into a world of darkness I descend.
Still there's always the little light.
But it blinds me so...

I'm becoming paranoid.
Though I know I shouldn't.
Have I come to expect something?
Perhaps something that I shouldn't.

If I die, just let me be.
No sad songs, no tears.
Let me die with dignity.
With just the memory of you within.

I hope we'd never be apart.
Despite what has happened.
You'll always be in my thoughts.
And I hope I'll always be in yours.

-The lonely man.

Ubermensch und Untermensch

The concept of Ubermensch and Untermensch, which in German means 'Super human' and 'Sub-human' respectively, is a concept that would gather much controversy. Adolf Hitler's belief that Germans were Aryan, a race of Nordic super humans, and that all other races who were not were considered sub human, and therefore, 'Life unworthy of life'

The result of this classification of the human race has been the Holocaust. 6 million Jews and other undesirables (Political prisoners, Homosexuals, Religious prisoners and those of 'Non-Aryan' Descent). Not only that, but Hitler instituted the T4 Euthansia programme in a bid to stamp out hereditary diseases, genetic defects, mental and physical problems from within his own German Reich. This was so that future generations of Germans would not have these diseases and problems, which is not fitting with Hitler's ideal of the Aryan Ubermensch.

So would it be a problem if I said I believed in the concept of the Ubermensch? Probably. People would therefore associate me with racial discrimination, ethnic discrimination, intolerance, and the worst of all, a Neo-Nazi. Of which I would have to say that I'm not.

While I am a proponent of Super humans, I am an avid opponent of the concept of sub humans. There is no right bestowed upon us by our own morals and ethics that say that we should 'remove' those who are racially and ethnically different from us. There is nothing that says we should euhanise those who are suffering from ills.

My idea of the Ubermensch is not someone who thinks himself superior to others based on those lines. My idea of the Ubermensch will think himself superior because it is the truth. Enhanced mental capabilities, Immunity to diseases, lifespans of 500 years and more, etc, etc... How would the Ubermensch come about? Through genetic modifications, cybernetics, such as the exo-cortex, prosthetics that would replace failing body parts. The list is endless, but these are some of the ways I see it coming.

My concept of the Ubermensch will not include the idea of the Untermensch, as all men are equal. Be it rich or poor, smart or not so smart, male or female. The only thing there will be is that some of us will accept that they want to be superior mentally and physically, through bio-engineering, cybernetics, prosthetics, or a mix. While on the other hand, some of us might reject it claiming it to be a violation of the human body, against their morals and ethics or, in my view the worst argument of all, against their religion.

There is an Ubermensch, but no Untermensch. To believe contrarywise is not only dangerous to society at large, but is also a form of extremism which should be stamped out as soon as it is detected.

Urecognizable, yet familiar.
Burning with passion, yet ice cold.
The master of the house, slave of his thoughts.
Longing for death, yet wanting to live.