Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Away from the Hotel.

So, I'm now back at home, typing away on my dilapidated laptop...
All I want for X'mas is a brand new one. Sadly, that didn't come true.
I'm on my bed, resting my sprained knees (No thanks to the army), and just sitting here thinking of what to do for the day. Perhaps I should pamper myself a little, spend $70 for a full body massage. Or perhaps rock out to ToHo tunes. Maybe get some gymming done. No lower limb activities though. That would be a real killer on my knees... But all in all, the day is gonna be a real lazy one. And I do believe that any off day that I get away from the Hotel, would be a lazy one.

Geist und Mensch,
Lass uns schlafen.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

First Book out

First book out.
Happy.
Tired.
Sleeping now...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Goodbye my readers, I will be back on X'mas
Fear not Death, for He is our friend.
The Deliverer of our doomed existence.
And I have no more days left.
Only a couple of hours.
Haircut today, and get me an alarm clock.
Time to burn off the fats and tone up this body.
This boy gonna be so pretty when he get out. With the exception of the short hair...
Pff... Oh well, it'll grow.
Looking forward to the pain and the gain.
And the solitude at night, though surrounded by others.
I shall escape, as I always have.
To the place where skies are red and stars are black.
And we'll meet each other in the place where there is eternal dark.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

When something becomes a fact of life, you become immune to it.
And so, I fear not Death, I fear not Life.
I fear not the troubles, nor the joys.
I fear not the thunderstorm, I fear not the sunny days.
For these are facts of life, and one simply becomes immune to it.

One day left...
Another dreamless night...
Got up at 6.10
Heading to shower soon.
Pff... Feels like the start of a pretty bad day..
We'll see...
1 day left...

Monday, December 6, 2010

2 days left...
And I'm still going to the office...
Failed to awake at 6... Pff...
3 more days to achieve it.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Biological Clock

In about an hour, I'll have only 3 days left...
Time to adjust my biological clock. So I'm going to bed now.
Good night world.
Let us close our eyes, and let the dreaming commence.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

4 days left...
Dillema.
5 days left...
It rains, and rains, and rains.
I like to think that the sky cries for me.
For me alone. For the little scared boy within.
For all his charisma and charm, he's still a little boy.
A boy who doesn't want to grow up.
Who wants to be free from worries and sorrows.
5 days left...
Time to make preps to say Auf Wiedersehen to my Social life...

Friday, December 3, 2010

Oh my Billa!!!

Oh my Billa! There's gonna be a video for Maedchen Aus Dem All!!!
Gaaaahhhhh!!! *Squeal* *Giggle* *Scream*
Okay, cool, calm, collected...
Oh, 6 days left...
Fendi sale later, Bar tonight, 'Meet the Fokkers' tomorrow.
Social death in 6 days. XD

Love is a game, for everyone.
But this is you and me...
We had a thousand lives in one,
We had Hurricanes and Suns.
Hey! Don't you know,
We've just begun!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Hurricanes and Suns!!!

Loving every little bit of Hurricanes and Suns! The new song by Tokio Hotel!!!

Joy and Sorrow.

What is good and evil?
What is right and wrong?
Merely concepts of morality that keep us in check.
Death will come regardless of how good or evil you are.
Contradicting that I hold animal's lives as dear. Yet treat human life with such contempt.
Perhaps it's the fact that we understand.

Well, enough with the emoing.
I'm glad I spent quality time with my family, and I got to see my dad smile at me.
I know that he's not proud of me still, and that he holds my brother in higher regard.
I just wish that pride wasn't an issue...

Well, enough ranting...
I haven't used my blog to tell about my day as of late, so I shall just dedicate a little section to it.
My day started late, at around 10am, with me heading to work and doing what is neccessary.
Got treated to lunch by my aunt, since I'm leaving the company for NS soon. And she got me an NS man's handy for X'mas ^^ Joy!!!
She even bothers to gift wrap it, so I appreciate it alot.
And the day ends with me chatting with my family and blogging right now.

I wish I could be there with you right now. To share my joy and my sorrows.
You probably know it, cause I know it. That 'like' is something I've gone beyond with you.
When the day comes and I tell you how I feel. I hope you'd accept me. Though if you reject me, I'll understand.
But we'll be friends for as long as possible ne?

Well, ladies and germs. 7 days and a couple of hours left.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

8 days left, leute...
Friday is clubbing night... For the 'last' time...
Mama's worried that I' get bullied in camp.
She worries too much *giggles*

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

9 days left...

Argh!!! Worry, fret... *tugs at hair*
I will miss my normal social life. *sigh*
But still...
I will miss the both of you the most.
Don't forget me please...

Monday, November 29, 2010

10 days left...
If any of my dear readers has anything they want to do with me,
This is your last week. Book me now XD

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Oh! Mein Liebe buch...
I have filled your pages with wonnderful words, that only I understand.
Words that bring back memories, and incite the senses.
Oh, what a wonderfully, glorious device it is. Writing.
*Sniffles sobs*
I've got no inspiration for my Literary Diary...
My poor poor Literary Diary... Nothing for me to fill it with as of late.
No ink on cream paper...
My dear, I will come to you soon. Once my mind is filled with dreams and visions.
Haunting nightmares and crazy realities.
11 days left...
Do you know how painful it is?
Not being able to write again?
Feelings fade and new ones arise.
Fires die, Embers remain.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Fuck... I can't think...
My mind is not working.
12 days left...

Friday, November 26, 2010

13 days left...

I'm pulled and torn.
Lead me down the last mile.
To the place of never ending light.

Okay, little emo period over.
Loving Tokio Hotel all over again... *Sigh*
Went shopping on Wednesday with mum.
Bought some new stuff. Haha! Bill!!! You're turning me into you! XD
No, no, no. I still have my own style. So don't worry.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Goodness, I had a looonnnnggggg rant on both twitter and FB...
I'll post it up here when I get back from work...

But on a more serious note...
I have noticed the extreme frailty of the human body, the human mind and the human psyche.
I have noticed that we are easily disturbed, as a puddle of water.
A single drop of water into that puddle causes ripples.
And so, just like that puddle of water, so are we.
I am noticing that we are more frail than before.
I do not want to die. I want to live.
And still, the dreams of immortality and eternal youth seem so near, yet so far.
I've had thoughts of living forever, in my mind. I've had thoughts of utopia.
But it is not possible.
Frail humans... So weak, and so naive...
If there is a higher power, it does not care... And it's planning is as flawed as it is ludicrous.
If there are aliens. I beg them to come and take us away. Evolve us.
If there is nothing. Then I beg Death to take us all in this instant.
Human kind is ultimately doomed if we do not do something.
And it won't be mother nature that kills us. It will be Human Nature.
15 days left...
Still a little sick, but I think I'm on the mend.
Returning to work after 4 days of rest.
In other news...

N. Korea shells S. Korean military base.
The South is angered. As is the rest of the 'civilized' world.
My view is that the South has every right to conduct military drills within their own territory.
But when they chose to conduct it near the N. Korean border, they should expect some form of military response, as they should very well know after several decades of minor skirmishes, arising because of such a situation.

I'm not condoning the North's response at all, for those who might misinterprt my views.
I'm merely stating that both sides were to blame. The North, as usual responded to the military exercise by flexing their own military muscle. Certainly there are other ways to resolve the matter, but I think, considering that Kim Jong Un, is the next in line, and that he has been slowly gaining power within the N. Korea government, the attack was likely condoned by both Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong Un, as a sign to the North Koreans that the new leader is a man of action, not words.

Still, I don't know for certain. It's just my appallingly terrible analysis of the situation.

Nach arbeit, nach arbeit...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

16 days left...
I can't help but feel that I'm being setenced to death.
And that'll be the end of Ayron...

Monday, November 22, 2010

What am I to do?
Can I do what I want to without setbacks?
Sadly, no...

Depressed by the fact that I only have 17 days left before I am off to the army.
To lead regimented life.
To be just another face.
To be one of the dead.

But something glimmers on the horizon.
A lighthouse perhaps.
Or something else?
We shall see...
The burning question remains in me.
And the question is always without a doubt: Why?
I won't ask you directly.
Nor would you ever hear me ask you this.
Neither of us belong.
We don't belong.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I NEED THE NEW TOKIO HOTEL ALBUM!!!
AND I'LL GET THE DELUXE VERSION WITH DVD WHILE I'M AT IT!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

A little too late.

Ahh... How nice it would be if we had something like Germany's Gymnasium in Singapore.
They have much more focused studies at a younger age, while we only start at a teriary level.
And they study classical antiquites as well! Latin, Greek, Hebrew. And so many languages as well!
A Gymnasium is quite stressful and tough though. But I still wanna give it a go.
A little too late, I would think. But still...
Ah, in any case, it would be too late for me. I'm already 18.
But if I could, I would like to have a go at a Gymnasium =D

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Oh gosh... I miss you...
Not talking to you for so long is driving me crazy..
And I'm becoming paranoid all over again.
*Sigh* I shouldn't I know, but I can't help it.
Something about losing you, or having you taken away.
This isn't really helping my case is it?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Salt mine to salt mine

*Sigh* 3 weeks will go by really fast.
And I will leave this salt mine. Only to be transferred to another...
The only question is... Will the next one be better than the previous one?
Ah, we'll see, we'll see...
In about a month or so, we'll see if Ayron survives at all.
*Sigh* Life is cruel...

But still, looking at the glass half full will help me get through it.
I don't have to be the best soldier.
And I don't have to meet everyone's expectations.
So here's something for you, my commander's to be.
I'll do what you ask me to, as is my obligation.
And I'll say what you want me to, as is my obligation.
But I'm my own man, and don't expect anything else out of me.
I'll serve my nation with pride. But no more than that.
Call me a 'on the fence' citizen. But I know where else my true skills lie.
It most definitely won't be in the army.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Skating on thin ice.

Phew... So I didn't make a mistake.
So far as I can tell. But that was really dangerous.
I was practically skating on thin ice...
But now, all is well.

Mistake?

I think I made a wrong move...
One with really bad consequences for me... I dunno. I'll find out soon enough.
Somebody kill me if I did. Otherwise I'd do it myself...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Alone

Why do I feel so alone?
Surrounded by people that I know, and people that I don't. And still I feel alone.
I do not seek their company though, which is strange. I want to drown in my own contempt and my loneliness.
Just forget about me and move on. And the world won't know that I ever existed. That there ever was a boy.
*Sigh* I don't know what it is that drives me anymore. Alone... I am completely, and absolutely alone.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A whole bottle of wine.

I dreamt of a cocktail.
And I still remember the recipe.
Will go shopping tomorrow for the ingredients.
Who knows what this concoction will be?
Oh, went to get my spectacles made as well.
Shock! Yes, I know... I wear specs people. Control yourselves!
Uhm, just finished a whole bottle of wine. Yeap! Guilty as charged.
Replied a really long email. And I mean really long. I mean, who spends 3 hours replying a single email?!
Oh yeah, me! That's who!
Got a really great idea for Xmas gifts!
Gonna shop for them tomorrow!
Wrote a new 'dark' poem!
Yes, I have a dark side to my literary skills besides all the fluffy little poems.
Did a new drawing to complement the poem!
Discussed religion and politics and literature with some friends!
I forgot all about NaNoWriMo, thanks to my enlistment letter!
Gonna serve the army soon. Crap... Every cloud has a silver lining. Whoever said that better be right!
Am I insane? Yes! According to a Facebook quiz...

Note to all my lovely readers: This blog post was not brought on due to the fact that I finished a whole bottle of wine *hic*

Just a boy

I feel like the boy who sits in the corner till called.
The silent, ever serving butler.
The one who is at your beck and call.
And fades away the moment his duties are done.
I'm the second son.
Place priority on the first.
I'm the boy who's there when you call.
Gone when not needed.
And that's what I am. A boy. A son when needed. Otherwise, just a boy.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Well, I got work in the morning...
And I've got to wake up early apparently...
Aber Ich werde warten fuer dich. (???)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Oh gosh... *Pants*
No sleep for me tonight...
Lest I see, hear and feel what I shouldn't yet again.

Friday, November 5, 2010

So, I completely forgot about NaNoWriMo... Hence I shan't be taking part in it.
Among other news... Grandpa's dinner was alright.
Finally wore my blazer that I bought since a few months back. Been quite hard to find the right time to wear it.
Anywho, people say that I look like Bill Kaulitz Xp
Which is one of the highest compliments that anyone can give me.
Cousin stayed over to chill. Nw we're both awake, and I still gotta go to work...
Ugh...

Don't ever forget me, Okay? :'(

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Okay, Xmas shopping's gonna be easy this year.
Only 2 people on my list.
You're both in for a real treat ^^
Egads! Xmas is almost here!
Gotta get my Xmas shopping done!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Primal. Raw. Unbridled Beauty

Primal. Raw. Unbridled Beauty.
That's what it is, the nakedness of the human body. Beautiful to behold. Unique in every way.
Unfortunately nakedness would not be looked upon as beautiful. At least ever since pornography came in.
Ever since then, the value of naked beauty has been declining. So much so that it's hard for one to see a naked body and not get sexually aroused. Filled with lusts of the flesh. Polluted with thoughts of doing the naked one and be done with it. Such things are terrible.

One must look upon the act of sex as an art form. To see two bodies entwined together, connected at the hip and/or the lips. A symbolic bond of possesive ownership. A bond that one shares with only one other, or with several others. Though it is my personal belief that such a powerful thing should be shared with your one and only. Also one must take time to savour the beauty of one's partner. Never having sex for the sake of having it, or giving in to lust. To take the time to feel every part of one's partner, to just look, admire, and be captivated by his/her beauty is the highest silent compliment one can give...

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Okay... Really bad idea to go as a Shadow Fiend...
I had no idea that showers could hurt so much...
My skin is red and raw, and it's pracically peeling...
Okay.. Too much info...

Other than that, it's good.
Mental Note: Never ever paint yourself black again. Serious injury or death may occur.
Was at Kelvin and Cynthia's Wedding today.
It was a wonderful event for them! And an equally good day for me.
Met up with lots of old church pals, and chatting, and having lunch together, etc, etc...
It was good.
And now I sit at home.
Waiting... Waiting...

Friday, October 29, 2010

Big Changes

The letter arrived today, big changes in 5 weeks.
My heart sinks at the sight. My feet grows heavy, and I'm shuffling everywhere I go.
Obviously, I'm not in a very good mood right now.
The only thing that keeps me smiling is the thought that we'll see each other soon.

Literary Diary up and running.

Dear readers,

To the few people who do read my blog, thanks for reading with me thus far.
As I mentioned in my previous post, that will be the last literary work that I will post up on this blog.
I will be moving all my literary works to a new blog now. So if you're here to read the little poems, phrases and verses, this isn't the place for it anymore.
All of those will now be on http://www.thayron-literarydiary.blogspot.com/
Please take note that this new blog is by invite only. You can drop a comment on this post, send me an email via facebook, or email me if you're interested in being invited.
Once again, thanks to the the few readers who've read with me thus far!

Yours lovingly,
Ayron.

I want to...

I bring my knees to my chest.
Feeling the beating of my heart.
Hearing my heavy breathing.
Feeling the coldness of the floor.

The Autumn leaves are falling now.
The red, the orange, the yellow.
The dancing leaves blown in the wind.
Like royalty at a ball.

It's cold out there, behind the glass.
It's warm and safe in here.
But how long before I crumble?
How long before I fall?

I long to be held in your arms.
To be held in your soft embrace.
For you to hold me gently,
As a mother does her babe.

I want to be your joy.
I want to be your comfort.
Just as you are to me always.
Just as you've always been.

I want to kiss away your tears.
I want chase away your fears.
I want to cook breakfast for you.
To be there when you call.

So there's my declaration.
I await on the floor.
Seek me out before I crumble.
Please, don't let me fall.



P.S: Probably the last literary work that I will post here. I'm in the process of finding time off to start a new blog for my literary work. Will update about it soon.

The man who only wanted to be free.

I am screaming deep within.
Eating away at my soul.
But no one hears and no one cares.
I am left completely alone.

The faces I see are strange.
Distorted by Disgust. Pity. Anger.
What have I done to deserve this?
Nothing that I've asked for.

I look for love around me.
But there is none to be found.
Only cold harsh glares and firey rhetoric.
From the pulpit to the street.

The day is passed in agony.
The pain to keep up the facade.
It eats away from within me.
Killing me slowly, softly.

Till one day I am souless.
No emotions inside me.
Just an empty shell of a man.
That only wanted to be free.

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Law of Returns

A sum borrowed must always be repaid.
Kindness with kindness.
Evil with evil
Love with love
Hatred with hatred.
Happiness... with unhappiness.
Strangely, it is the only one that returns as the opposite.

Freedom for one day...
Free from thinking too much.
And it has to slip from me some time.
Which is now.

I've lost the euphoria.
I've lost the mood.
The insanity creeps in slowly.
So too do the bars.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Dancing shadows

The red, the green. The blue, the yellow.
The flashing strobe lights.
The thumping beats, the trance inducing rythm.
My heart beats in tune with the music.

I look around, nothing but shadows.
Moving about in unsychronicity.
They bump into each other, unable to escape the touch.
Shadows. Featureless, yet beautiful to behold.

I wish you were here.

Valrhona chocolates.
A bottle of Rose.
Rain and cloudy skies.
Alone at home with no one but Kino.
Watching horror movies.
Writing little poems.
Drawing abstract art.
Listening to great music.
Looking forward to nightfall.
I wish you were here to share this with me.
*Yawn*
It's a brand new day!
Mum's coming back tomorrow, which means I get paid! Haha! Payday! My favourite time of the month.
I'm gonna hit the showers, and then have my breakfast!
Prata with curry! And maybe it's a little early, but I'll just indulge and have a bottle of riesling to go with it *Grin*
Yes, I know I shouldn't, yet I want to! Hahaha.
Well, first thing's first. A shower.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

It's Raining! It's Raining! It's Raining!!!

I've never been so happy to see it rain! HahaHaha!!!
Goodness, I'm giddy with joy!!! *giggles*
Post No. 400

I've certainly got a bit of history to read.
Ah well, history... Always interesting. Never a dull moment.
I'm bored. Well and truly bored.
I think I'll start on my new art piece.
2 of them have been done. Will start on the 3rd and 4th tomorrow.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Going up to facebook is probably my biggest mistake today.
It's not helping my situation at all...

I thought you were going to get over it?
What's going on now?

Fuck off... I know that I'm supposed to get over it...
And I don't know what to think...
I did get a message, but that's the only nice thing about it...

You have to get over it...
I'll tell you what to think, and you'll listen.
Okay?

Fine, we'll talk later...
I gotta get back to work...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I'm calm now...
I'm calm now...
I'm calm now...
Whatever happened between the both of us is now done.
Thanks. I'm just going to grab some sleep now.
Return back to where you came from.
And nightmares await.

Everything will be fine... You'll see...
Schlaf gut.
Stop it Ayron. It's wrong.
It's not right...
It's a selfish thing to do.
Snap out of it and distant yourself.

But I can't!
Don't you see?! I can't!
And don't even tell me to try!
Because I can't! I won't!

God! Listen to yourself!
What's wrong? What's happened to you?
You need to sit down and think!
Get your answer and then forget about it...
Don't do this to yourself. It hurts...

And what about me?!
Do you think that this doesn't hurt me?!
I want it to be real. I want it so bad...
But knowing that it probably won't be true.
Or that it might be taken from me any minute...
What is this feeling that troubles me so?
I've never felt it so deep within.

Please, my son...
I wish you would stop thinking about it.
It's not good for you... And I want you to be happy.

You know what makes me happy...
And you know you can't give it.
It's nothing.
You don't know everything, Ayron.
No facts, only assumptions.
Assumptions will not lead you anywhere.

And if I don't act now, then what?
Lose it all? I can't stand it if I do.
I'm not sure what'll happen.
I'll move on and find something else to contemplate.
Perhaps...

And you must know this...
Silence is golden. If you do tell, and the results aren't what you expect.
Then all is lost. As much as they say things will remain the same..
They won't. You know this...
Trust me.
Pff... My confusion leds to frustration.
But if my confusion leads to frustration, could it be portents of something I've been dreading?
That whatever we are is actually non-existent?
That we could lose it all in an eye blink?

But still, under the surface, I have an inkling that that is not true.
That the reason for my frustration is my continuous lack of answers.
I have mine, but I don't have the other party's.
And that is the most important piece of the puzzle.

I need that answer, but daren't procure it.
Do I fear the answer? Yes I do.
Do I leave myself hanging in suspense. I don't want.
But if I fear the answer, then I must live with the suspense.

Only when I have become brave, and fear nothing,
Can I finally begin to get my answer.
And before such a time, I shall have to content myself with what I have.
And know that I may never get my answer.

Monday, October 18, 2010

I am still confused...
I've been thinking, but I could never get the answer.
I'm still thinking, and thinking.
And if one day, I do have the answer, what then?
Do I tell and risk it all?
Or do I stay silent and lose it all?
I need to think some more..

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I do not know what happened.
I only know that it was not supposed to.
I wa supposed to stay home and wait.
Waiting for that moment.
Instead I left. I was persuaded by a few words.
I softened my stance and went along.
I am a sheep in a wolf's skin.
Vulnerable, fragile, frightened.
The screen melts away.
The sun hides behind the hills.
The moon fades away.
The stars die.

I'm left alone.
In the dark.
In a familiar yet scary place.
And I sit and stare.

I dare not move.
I dare not breathe.
I dare not look.
I dare not live.

I feel it coming.
Nearer and nearer.
It sets it's eyes on me.
It desires me.

The monster, it's here.
In the room with me.
In the light of the red moon,
It stares at me.

I am consumed.
Piece by piece.
My skin, my flesh.
My spirit, my soul.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Three Souls in One

Have I become so attached to you that I'm bordering on paranoia?
Perhpas the distance is the one thing keeping us together.
Familiarity breeds contempt. That's what people say.
Perhaps it's the distace that brings us closer to one another.

Three Souls in One.
The intellectual, the artist, the writer.
Three Souls in One.
One cannot live without the other

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Appreciation.

To probably the 2 most important friends to me...
You have lots to account for. The both of you have made me walk a road.
A road that I once took. But I swerved and changed from the walking path to a little dirt road.
On that little dirt road, the things I saw, and the things I experienced. I wasn't ready for it.
And I didn't like it... But then I met you. Things could only get better for me.
You helped me to feel confident in myself again. To be who I am, without needing to conform to society, or any clique. You helped me to appreciate myself again. Because I knew that the both of you liked me for who I am.
Be it my style, my personality, my characteristics. You liked it. And I found myself drawn to you.
I never knew that such a trip to a far away land could make such a thing happen.
But there, I had found my fellow soul. Perhaps it's too early to be writing such things.
Perhaps things might happen that may cause us to drift apart.
I hope that never happens. And if I were a praying man, I would pray for it not to happen.
But still, it's important that the both of you know how I feel...
One of you will read this. The other won't. But I'm still writing anyways, I don't know why.
In anycase, this is how I feel. So... Thanks. I wish I could do more than just write and say thank you.
I wish I could be there to take you guys out for a dinner, or a drink. Nothing spectacular, I know.
But it would be way better than writing this to you.

Very, very, sincerely,
Your friend,
Ayron Elijah Sim

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bought a whole bunch of DVDs after dinner last night...
Still no sign of James Cameron's Avatar... Which made me a little less than sad...
But still having a whole bunch of horror movies, documentaries, foreign shows, does make me feel a little better.
Buying a new game helped that as well.

Gonna be off to work soon, and work my butt off. (Figuratively)
I wish there was no need for money... Alas, that's what the communists wanted, and I don't see it happening for a few more hundreds of years. But anywho I'll be back to enjoy some R&R later in the afternoon.
Gosh... I miss you...



What happens when the curtain falls?
The masks are dropped and so are the walls.
Behind the huge velvet curtains of the opera stage.
We look at each other, the 2 young men of age.

We both take steps forward,
Thinking of how to form our word.
Before you know it we're in front of each other.
Still staring and staring beyond the thoughts and bother.

In the light of the shadows.
In the presence of the crows.
We sit there on the edge.
Together we fall off the ledge.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Why do I smile when I see you?
Why do I feel good when I think of you?
Why do I feel all warm and fuzzy when we chat?
Why am I feeling the way I do?

What is this strange and new sensation?
This alien emotion?
Help me to understand.
Teach me, guide me.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

What can I do?
I wait and wait but you never come.
You're here, but you aren't.
Should I wait still?
Should I leave?
Both seem unreasonable.
Yet reasonable at the same time.
Perhaps I'm expecting too much.
I should loosen my grip perhaps.
But if I do I'll be afraid.
And if I don't I suffocate.
To live or to die.
What is good for me?
What isn't?
I have no idea...
Another lonely night.
I stare out the window.
I'm greeted by the moon and the stars.
They smile and twinkle in the dark of the night.
With kind sweet words of an alien language,
They lull me to sleep.
To sleep I shall go, and from sleep I shall return.
To the world where nothing is as it seems.
To the world where dreams are made real.
I shall dream of you, or at least I hope I shall.
Then I won't feel so lonely.
Talk to me when you can will you?
I miss you...
Well, friday's booked... and Saturday... Ugh...
Saturday is another night at the uber expensive PS Cafe... again.
On some hill in some remote location in Singapore, which I still have no idea of how to get there by cheaper modes of transportation...

Should I go?
I'm not miserly, and would spend the money, but I won't be happy...
But she's a friend after all...

Graaaaahhhh!!!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Pff... Well, well, well...
Looks like I'm in for some fun next friday.
Wonder what's gonna happen. Should I dress to kill?
Or should I just go as casual as usual?
Hmm... Decisions, decisions.
In anycase, I'm only going cause you're my friend.
OH, and also because you asked me.
Well, see you then.

Paranoia fades away.

My paranoia faded away this morning.
And my sleep was well. I went to bed smiling.
But it's been replaced by this little sting to my heart.
A feeling that burns me.
I feel... Jealous?
Afraid?
I don't know... Both?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

If you ever left me, I don't know what I'd do.
I'd cry and cry and sob and sob, but in the end, I'll realize that it's true.
I'll think of the all fun we've had, and all the sorrows we've shared.
But in the end, I'll find some way to pick myself up again.

We'll both move on, you and I, and live out our lives.
But something in us will change as we've seen through each others eyes.
We might speak again, we might not. The hurt that it'll bring, unbearable.
And sooner or later we'll drift further apart, though that's not what I wish.

I'll think of you constantly. Every night and day.
"Please, I wish you'd stop, it's hurting your soul." I guess, that's what you'll say.
"I'll try my best, but I make no promise." That's what I'll reply.
But in my mind the answer is "Never! The memories are all that I have left."

I hope what I've written will never come to pass.
But the fates may conspire against us and tear up both apart.
I become paranoid and drown in my deepest desire.
...

The Lonely Man

The body at rest. The eyes closed.
Into a world of darkness I descend.
Still there's always the little light.
But it blinds me so...

I'm becoming paranoid.
Though I know I shouldn't.
Have I come to expect something?
Perhaps something that I shouldn't.

If I die, just let me be.
No sad songs, no tears.
Let me die with dignity.
With just the memory of you within.

I hope we'd never be apart.
Despite what has happened.
You'll always be in my thoughts.
And I hope I'll always be in yours.

-The lonely man.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Ubermensch und Untermensch

The concept of Ubermensch and Untermensch, which in German means 'Super human' and 'Sub-human' respectively, is a concept that would gather much controversy. Adolf Hitler's belief that Germans were Aryan, a race of Nordic super humans, and that all other races who were not were considered sub human, and therefore, 'Life unworthy of life'

The result of this classification of the human race has been the Holocaust. 6 million Jews and other undesirables (Political prisoners, Homosexuals, Religious prisoners and those of 'Non-Aryan' Descent). Not only that, but Hitler instituted the T4 Euthansia programme in a bid to stamp out hereditary diseases, genetic defects, mental and physical problems from within his own German Reich. This was so that future generations of Germans would not have these diseases and problems, which is not fitting with Hitler's ideal of the Aryan Ubermensch.

So would it be a problem if I said I believed in the concept of the Ubermensch? Probably. People would therefore associate me with racial discrimination, ethnic discrimination, intolerance, and the worst of all, a Neo-Nazi. Of which I would have to say that I'm not.

While I am a proponent of Super humans, I am an avid opponent of the concept of sub humans. There is no right bestowed upon us by our own morals and ethics that say that we should 'remove' those who are racially and ethnically different from us. There is nothing that says we should euhanise those who are suffering from ills.

My idea of the Ubermensch is not someone who thinks himself superior to others based on those lines. My idea of the Ubermensch will think himself superior because it is the truth. Enhanced mental capabilities, Immunity to diseases, lifespans of 500 years and more, etc, etc... How would the Ubermensch come about? Through genetic modifications, cybernetics, such as the exo-cortex, prosthetics that would replace failing body parts. The list is endless, but these are some of the ways I see it coming.

My concept of the Ubermensch will not include the idea of the Untermensch, as all men are equal. Be it rich or poor, smart or not so smart, male or female. The only thing there will be is that some of us will accept that they want to be superior mentally and physically, through bio-engineering, cybernetics, prosthetics, or a mix. While on the other hand, some of us might reject it claiming it to be a violation of the human body, against their morals and ethics or, in my view the worst argument of all, against their religion.

There is an Ubermensch, but no Untermensch. To believe contrarywise is not only dangerous to society at large, but is also a form of extremism which should be stamped out as soon as it is detected.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Urecognizable, yet familiar.
Burning with passion, yet ice cold.
The master of the house, slave of his thoughts.
Longing for death, yet wanting to live.

Monday, September 27, 2010

I awoke to the sound of the door opening...
It was light. The birds were flying, and the sky was blue.
The laptop next to me, still running.
I chanced upon you. And saw that you put me to bed.

That's one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me.
*cuddles*

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I feel trapped...
Shackled by the chains of society.
Suffocated by the expectations of family.
Cornered by my mind.

Burn me, and release me.
Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.
I shall no longer remain here.
But escape to the loving embrace of the dark void.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I am Chaos

I have watched the milleniums go by...
Not a day passes without my watching.
The strings of the universe are pulled by me.
I am not God. I am not the Devil. I am not Fate.
Who am I? What am I? Irrelevant questions that have no answers.
The most brilliant of minds fail to grasp who I am.
The simplest of minds, don't know what I am.
I am He who walks among the stars.
The Giver of Life, the Destroyer of Worlds
I place each star in it's proper place, and light up the night sky.
The sun sits in my right hand. The moon in my left.
My right hand burns daily, yet is not burnt.
My left hand freezes nightly, yet is not frozen
The complexity of my insanity is absurdity in action.
I create the creatures of myths, and the constructs of doom.
Unicorns and centaurs, sirens and minotaurs.
All are my children, all are my children's children.
The Golden Angels stand behind me, dictating what I speak.
The Silver Angels stand beside me, deciphering what I think.
But my dearest of children, the Iron Angels, sit at my feet.
Ready to fly on wings of cold metal, and do my bidding.
And so that is my entourage. A mixture of the high and the low.
We travel the starry lanes, visiting each world that I have crafted.
We travel to different dimensions, sowing discord and harmony.
I am Peace Bringer, and War Monger.
I am Light and Dark. Life and Death.
The absurdity of my action is the complexity of my insanity.
Erratic are my movements, irrational are my thoughts.
Slurred is my speech and broken are my limbs.
I am Chaos.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Great Accepter

We live, we die.
We burn, we freeze.
We awake, we sleep.
Death waits for us with open arms
Ready to embrace us in the final moment.
The loving mother to all us sinners.
The Great Accepter.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I feel like a little school boy in love ><
That is too OOC for me...

My character is Evil
Calculating
Blood Thirsty
Sadistic
Masochistic

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Okay, I feel like snapping at anyone who so much as talks to me now...
I really don't feel good now, and I'm ready to kill myself.
I don't like to be kept waiting every single time.
I'm fucking pissed now...
Gonna shower and cool off...

Friday, September 17, 2010

Gonna start on a new drawing now.
Gonna do a proper job of it, and not the usual rush jobs.
Wish me luck ^^
Fuck Macbreakfast...
Evil-Fucking-Food...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

the barrel at my temple.
the slug in the barrel.
the finger on the trigger
the impulse through my veins.

the finger twitch.
the metal moves.
the slug rushes down.
the bullet smashes.

the blood flows.
the world falls silent.
the colours fade and dim.
the breathing slows.

the blue and red flashes.
the crowd gathers.
the people are curious.
the name fades into obscurity.
I've noticed things about me.

1) I've been feeling really restless within. Though it doesn't show outwardly, inside I'm screaming for freedom... It's painful, and it really hurts. But after so long the pain is numbed. Now riddle me this. Is that good or bad?

2) Emails from you in the morning makes me smile. That is the one thing that I hope time won't change.

3) I'm feeling a little apprehensive of the future, and what it'll bring. It's always the unknown which scares the shit outta me...

4) I find it easier to believe that like minded people from elsewhere genuinely appreciate me for who I am. Sorry to all those who don't fit in this category.

I am a person with the need to be active. My mind needs to be stimulated at all times through creative thinking, problem solving and thinking deeply. A good debate from time to time helps as well.

Besides being mentally active, I do appreciate being physically active as well. Anything that isn't sports would do. Recreational activities. Rock climbing (Though I haven't done it in almost 4 years), Parkour (Though I haven't really got the necessary skills), etc, etc...

Why I'm writing this, I've got no idea...
A testament to my boredom.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Biting hands

When you bite the hand of those who feed you.
Don't expect it to feed you again.
Go off, and search for another.
And make sure you don't bite that hand as well.
I burn within.
But outwardly am cold.
Nothing remains inside.
Just ash and ice.

A cold flame washes over me.
Cleansing, purifying.
I drop to my knees,
In nothing but awe.

What is this?
What is this power that fills me?
The strength of a dozen comes.
The wisdom of 20 brains comes.

But with all this power,
I am at a loss at what to do.
My life feels meaningless.
And I am wandering.

Lost I am.
I am lost.
In the abyss, surrounded by cold dark walls.
No light comes, no sound reaches my ears.

Rescue me.
Leave me.
Kill me.
Burn me.

Watch as I crumble.
Watch as I turn to dust.
Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.

My soul is no more.
My life is gone.
No more am I here.
No more of me will you see.
You make liking you so easy...

HDL
HDL
HDL

Okkkkaaaaaayyyyyy... That was too OOC...
Nnnggghhhh!!!
What's wrong with me?!
...
...
...
Maybe there's nothing wrong with it...
Tis a natural response to it.

Think man! Think!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Vampirism.

Man... What's with my fascination with blood?!
I so feel like cutting myself and drinking my own blood.
Paint my face real white, and get pale blue contact lenses...
Dress up in leather and wear eyeliner.
Go out in the day with shades and a brolly.
And be super active at night.

Oooh... Vampirism...
Haha~
Funny. I like the word. Vampirism.
Haha~
It just seems to roll off my tongue.

I'll let y'all know if I ever get round to doing what I said.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Ich bin ihre Marionette.

A marionette on a string.
That's what I am.
I sing and dance, laugh and cry,
All for your delight.

I'm made of fine maple,
Painted with natural dyes.
I have sapphires for eyes,
And silk for my clothes.

I'll bring you joy and laughter,
Even though you hate me.
For that's all that I'm here for,
To bring you euphoria and more.

The day will come, when I've no more value.
Little more than a flexible piece of wood.
You'll cast me aside, like a dirty old rag,
And I'll sit and wait for my time again.

As time goes by my body will rot.
My clothes will be eaten by moths,
And my colour will fade.
But my eyes with tears, will sparkle forever.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Stuck in this hollow shell of a man,
My soul waits and waits and waits.
For that moment in time, when all is still.
When all I see is unphased and real.

I want to sprout wings and fly.
Away from this, and away from here.
From the suffering and anguish,
From the tears and the fears.

When the time comes, my soul shall break free.
Shaking the ashes off my bones,
I shall walk on the dark side of the sun.
Burning, burning, burning.

Friday, September 3, 2010

An Deiner Seite

Update again...
Feels like forever since I last blogged...
Anyways, here you go!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Back from Ikea

Back from Ikea... Again...
Ah well, at least this time it's for keeps.
A little miffed about my room not being done the way I want it.
And also about the fact that my room is too small to accomadate a nice double bed...
Don't my parents know that I like big wide space for my sleep?
And that someday I'm gonna get attached and share my bed as well?
*Sigh* Oh well, I guess having a single bed will mak things cozier between me and my partner-to-be *fg*

Monday, August 30, 2010

Long night...

If you don't show tonight, then it's gonna be a long night...
I wore a scarf to work today.
And my mum just decided to ask why I'm wearing one...
I had no idea how to answer her...
You know what I'm talking about *fg*

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I wonder...

I saw an ant, scurrying about.
I wonder what it's thinking of..
"A giant human is staring at me!"
"Gotta find something..."
"-blank-"

I saw a bird flying in the sky.
I wonder what it's thinking of..
"Fly, fly, fly..."
"Where's my nest?"
"-blank-"

I saw humans today.
I wonder what they're thinking of..
"Where should I go now?"
"What should I eat?"
"-blank-"

I saw myself in the mirror.
I wonder what I'm thinking of..
"Who am I?"
"What am I?"
"What's my worth?"

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I now have a son, and a wife that I didn't know existed...
The wonders of parenthood...

That aside, today's been a pretty good day.
It feels good to meet up with Cat and Nicky again after a long break...
And today I was late *Gasp! Shock! Disbelief!*
I know... Fucking train's fault, not mine...
And I got myself some dark chocolate and a new pair of shades.
And boy do they look good!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Emotions are fragile things.
Like water, a single touch can send ripples in all directions,
Creating chaos in an otherwise undisturbed pool of water.
But like water, emotions are the pure expression of our humanity.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone else.
I've told you things that only my heart and soul knows.

Please don't let me down.
Please don't let me go.
Please don't kill me.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Pretty much flipping bored now...
Work in a few minutes...
Come home, gym...
Get back, shower...
Dress up, computer...
Team Fortress 2, 1 hour...
Thinking, reading, etc...
Chat online, sleep...

Ooh! Incidentally, I got a new haircut...
Still trying to get used to it...
Styling it is such a pain!!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

The ability of children to think unrealistically, to dream big, and to want the impossible, is one of their most endearing traits.
Because once they grow a little older, skepticism and reality sets in. Their thinking becomes based on reality. Their dreams, small. And they only want what they can get...

Perhaps it's time for me to think unrealistically, dream big, and want the impossible, all over again...

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Am I in love?

How do I tell you?
Or do I tell you at all?
What is love?
How do I know I'm in love?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Fragmented memories and fictional reality.

The dam burst and flooded the plain.
Fragmented memories started to spill forth.
Catching glimpses of the present and the past.
The hands of my mind started to play.
Placing each piece where it should be.
A jigsaw puzzle, if you will.
A masterpiece of the night.
A night of sadness and sorrow.
But no tears and no sighs.
The Night has it's hold on me,
As slumber soon reaches my eyes.
The Night allows no rest, no reprieve.
In my dreams it starts to haunt.
The memories are real, the reality isn't.

A fictional reality, an imagined imagination.
Faces that have names, and faces that don't.
Yet subconciously, I know them by name.
Faces of friends, yet strangely not of foes.
And it is the faces of friends that bring me the pain.
A strange twist of fate, where those who aren't supposed to,
End up hurting you more than those who should.
Fragmented memories and fictional reality.
That's the name of the game.
The game of the Night.
My cruel mistress, my beloved saviour.
The day comes and rises from the horizon.
Light feels the sky, and hits me in the eyes.
I open my eyes, relieved, yet upset.
The Night has gone, and the day has begun.
Back to being another one of billions.
Back to being one of the dead.
Though the Night is gone for now,
It's comforting to know, that He'll return again.
Always coming and going, just like people.
Yet more majestic and beautiful than anything I've known.
Fragmented memories and fictional reality.
That's the name of the game.
That's the game of the Night.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Life goes on without me

Life goes on without me.
The cosmos move as they always have.
I'm one of billions. Just like the stars.
But not shining brightly like they are.

I stand in a busy street.
With people passing by.
But yet they will fail to notice,
The man who's at the side.

Life goes on without me.
That will always be true.
I'm one of the billions, the walking dead.
Leave me or save me.
Last night was "Let's-talk-about-painful-memories-and-events-and-relive-the-moment-in-your-mind-all-over-again." With the right company, it can be quite liberating!

Thanks Karu!
Time to go mountain climbing.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Fun!!!

Testing, testing, 1,2,3...
Just trying out my Bamboo's word recognition power.
And...
IT WORKS!!!
Hahaha... Stupid post... Ich weiss...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Saying "Sorry" is never easy...
Saying "I love you" is harder...

The love of the night

When the sun sets, my spirit feels alive.
In the cold dark of the night, I feel energized.
Be it the chilling wind, or the caressing light of the moon,
I love the night, as it embraces me.

In the day I am but one of millions.
Walking, talking, breathing.
In the night, I am one of one.
Thinking, drawing, writing.

The night embraces my true nature,
The thinker, the artist, the poet.
The day accepts my lies.
To be one of millions. One of the dead.

To be in eternal twilight,
Neither night nor day.
The time that dreams are dreamt.
And hopes are all realized.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Well, my bloodtest result was normal.
Which means, I'm alright.
But still that doesn't answer the question of excessive bleeding.
Too bad... I ain't gonna die.

Monday, August 9, 2010

If I were to die soon.
My only request is, let me live.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Pink clouds, blue skies

So, it's been about 3 hours since I was at the dentist...
Well, it's been an experience...
Anyways, here are 2 pics of a drawing I just did.
It's a picture of a dream I had last night...
Sunset/sunrise with blue skies and pink clouds.


Without flash


With flash

Thursday, August 5, 2010

When we met, I didn't knew.
But I think I might be falling for you.
Your charm and affection,
It's like an infection.

We just met, so I'm not sure it's true.
But if it is, I'll be waiting just for you.
You hold me in your tight embrace,
Together, we'll set this town ablaze.

Distance and time, are but a number,
But I'll always miss you, as I slumber.
Whenever I am down and feeling blue,
I know that I can always count on you.

I'll understand if it's not what you want to hear,
But I hope that we'll still be friends forever.
I won't cry, and I won't wait,
I'll just attribute it to fate.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Tempted.

Tempted to do what I've not done for a while...
I think I'll give in and just do it...

The voice within.
It whispers softly.
In the silence of the night.
That is all I hear.

Obeying the commands,
To seek relief from this world.
Escape to the lies.
And seek comfort within.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Good things in life are worth waiting for a while.
But...
The best things in life are worth waiting forever.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Unfounded fears, tug at my hearts.
Unsounded tears, flows from my cuts.

I play the game of life.
Only to be given a pack of lies.

From lies I escape.
Only for my mind to be raped.

The heart slows down.
I just drown.

In tears and blood.
Into an endless flood.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm back

Hello readers!

After a long hiatus of almost 3 months, Transhuman Ayron is back again.
I will do my best to update as often as I possibly can.

So do check it out, and leave your thoughts!

Transhuman Ayron

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The red sun shines

The red sun shines,
O'er the fields and o'er the sea.
The red sun shines,
But not o'er me.

My life is lived in solitude,
My eyes see in black and white.
My ears are used to silence,
I live my life despite.

I used to see in colour,
I used to sing in rhyme.
But ever since you left my sight,
All I do is mime.

I long for you once more,
I live to see the day.
But the days go by and you don't come,
"Give up." That's what they say.

I wander about the street.
I shamble in the alley.
I get back home onto my sheet,
And darkness is all I see.

The red sun shines, o'er the sheet,
And finally o'er me.
The red sun shines, onto me
And blood is all they see.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Home at last! I think...

At last my long journey comes to an end...
I am safely at home now, and so I'm gonna blog and unpack my luggage at the same time.
The journey started on the 15th of July. Flying from Singapur to London.
Then from London to Paris.
Then Paris to Barcelona.
Then Barcelona to Munich.
Then Munich to Bochum.
Then Bochum to Frankfurt.
And finally from Frankfurt to Singapur...

I'm home at last. But somehow I don't feel home...
I shan't regale my tales of adventure here. At least not now...
I shall however tell it to those who wish to hear, so just ask.



London Bridge

The Tower of London





The London Eye

Parliament House and Big Ben

Same, except with Westminster Abbey

St. Paul's Cathedral




I love this car...

Arc de Triomphe

Same

Tequila Sunrise, in the afternoon... Bad idea...

Jojo und Ich in Paris

Jojo und Ich in Muenchen

Many Gackt fans and I in Bochum

Sunday, July 25, 2010

On the way home

At last... I'm on my way home soon, and will arrive back in Singapur in about 25 hours.
But before then, I will see Jojo again!!!
Yaaahhh!!!

And then it will be 3 years before I see him again.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

10 days in Europe

Packing now...
And I'm too lazy to do it...
But I gotta...

10 days travelling in Europe.
Starting in London.
Down south to Paris.
Down further south to Barcelona.
North to Munich
Further up north to Bochum.
Ending in Frankfurt.

10 days plus minus 1 day for travelling.

Packing, packing, packing...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Which, what, why, when, how?

Stop. Think. Act.
Act. Think. Stop.

Which am I?

A creature of impulse.
A being of desire.

What am I?

Pleasure seeker.
Heartbreaker.

Why am I?

Alive.
Dead.

When am I?

Revitalized.
Depleted.

How am I?

Love.
Hate.
To those dear to me,
I wish that I could do something more than just write this to express how grateful I am for all that you've done for me, and for standing by me. Recent happenings have shown me that I stand quite alone, compared to what I have come to believe. Though in no way comparable to what others go through.

To my mum. The one who stands by me, come what may.
This is all I have to say...
I love you.

To my friends. The joy bringers and counsellors.
I stand by you, just as you stand by me.
I hope to repay you all someday with more than just gifts and words.
And believe me when I say that I'll be loyal and true.
A huge thank you to all of you!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Don't take something you agreed to and turn it against me.
Not FUCKING appreciated.

Thank you.

Belated update.

I feel like there has been no need to update what I've been doing.
The memories alone are precious and dear enough to never forget.
But in the event that I do, I hope that there will always be something to remind.
And so, I update now about the cruise trip with lovely mum, awesome friends.

Brought Lokies and Fen Mien up on cruise with me.
Mum was nice enough to get us a room at a lower price.
We did many things on board.
But I don't wanna bore with details.

A picture speaks a thousand words.
So now I'm gonna giveyou several thousand words.
Enjoy!

















Steel myself.
Toughen up.
Cold.
Calculating.

Filled with sympathy.
Filled with empathy.
Compassion.
But not attached.

Attachments are false.
As is my imagination.
Hold on to those, and lose yourself.
Let go of those, and free yourself.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Wanderer.

The Wanderer walks,
Empty and blue.
He walks for miles,
Over land and sea.

The reason for his wandering,
He wouldn't say.
Passerbys could only,
Wonder and sigh.

He walks over mountains.
Crosses over seas.
Walking through the scorching day,
Walking through the freezing night.

At last, at last,
His destination, he came to be.
The place he could find solace.
The place where he should be.

In the home of a friend.
So warm and so safe.
In the presence of a friend.
So warm and so safe.

The Wanderer laid down to rest,
His head touched the ground, and he was no more.
Out he was, like a candle in a breeze.
Soundly asleep forever more.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Stop being fucking quick about it!
You need it to be right, then stop sending it out before I'm done.
Getting pissy and all when you realized there's a mistake or whatever...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Clubbing. Alcohol. Family.

Wonderful night.
Clubbing.
Alcohol.
Family.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Ich bin ein machine

I'm a machine.
Tell me clearly what you want me to do, and what you don't want me to do.
Tell me clearly what you want me to say, and what you don't want me to say.
Otherwise, this machine is gonna assume and take things into his own hands.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The world that man live in

In the world of eternal night,
The realm of infinite snow.
The seas flow over with tears,
The roads fill up with fears.

Amidst the dreary masses,
A tiny spark of hope.
The little angel borne on wings,
The littel angel leashed with rope.

The master of the angel,
A towering obelisk of Darkness.
He strides above mere mortals,
Penetrates with his steely gaze.

The master of the Darkness,
The raw emotions of man.
The writhing mass of anger and hatred,
The swirling pool of sorrow and tears.

The world that man dream of,
Will never be reality.
For the world that man live in,
Is created by their feelings.

The Creators stay high above,
Staring down at their Creations.
They heave a sigh of sadness,
And leave behind their chosen.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

I'm fucking tipsy now...
All the fault of drinking games...
And I'm so fucking lonely...

It's gonna be a long night...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Boredomitis. No1 Teenage killer.

I've come down with severe boredomitis...

Symptoms include...

-Sleeping. Excessively.
-Staring blankly into nothingness.
-Talking to random inanimate objects.
-Daydreaming.
-Walking around randomly.

*Sigh* It's gonna be a loooonnnnngggggg weekend...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Alejandro - Lady GaGa

One of my fave music vids now...

Confusion reigns in my heart.
Better sort it out soon.

Insane.








Insane.

Monday, June 14, 2010

2nd Night

Lokies, you were absolutely right!
Sunday was even much more spectacular than Saturday!

So, I was at Zirca for my 2nd night of clubbing, and it's absolutely amazing!
The opening was spectacular, the music was great!
The company was fun, and I learned that I actually knew how to dance!
Haha!

Really, absolutely amazingly crazy night!
It was so mind blowing!
Can't wait for the next time!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Clubbing virgin no more!

It was an absolutely amazing night!
And I'm proud to say that my clubbing virginity has been taken!

I was so excited and slightly apprehensive, not knowing what to expect.
But my fears were unfounded.
The night started at Taboo, where I watched a drag show, celebrating Christina Aguilera's new album, "Bionic". Met a few people while I was there, and it was a great start to an awesome night!

We headed down to Tantric, just opposite Taboo to grab some drinks there.
It was my first time drinking without parents, outside and in a club. So I had a Long Island.
Wonderful drink, not too strong, just nice. And I was just dancing along,drink in my hand. Absolutely crazy!
I met somemore people there, and they were all just wonderful people to be with!

After Tantric, we went on to Play, which is where we spent most of the remainder of the night.
I paid for my most expesive coke there. $15.00!!! But fuck it! I enjoyed myself, and that's what matters!
Then someone came and bought me a drink. I was really happy!
Then I was pulled to the dance floor, just in time to dance to the last 3 songs for the night!
And as much as I said "I don't dance.", there was no denying it. I was dancing last night!

The night was coming to an end, with us heading down to Maxwell food center. I didn't eat, just drank.
And we were just talking and chilling, and then we headed down to Chinatown to grab a cab home.

The night ended at 5.45am. Just 5 hours after it had started...
But I absolutely enjoyed those 5 hours with all the wonderful people.
And I wouldn't have changed a single moment of it, even if I could.
I've still got much to learn. But I ain't afraid no more.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

From the first time I saw you, I knew I fell for you.
But I always knew that we were not meant to be.
A nagging voice in the back of my head, always telling me that.
Then another voice, that always give me a glimmer of hope.

The 1 and a half years apart, was the worst part of my life.
Everyday I'd think of you, and cry myself to sleep.
Not a day passed without me thinking of how much I fucking missed you.
Not a night passed without you in my dreams.

It took alot of courage for me to say what I wanted to.
Even though you've known it before.
Though the answer wasn't what I was hoping for,
I'm just happy to get a burden of my chest.

I'm glad that we could be back together.
Not as the way I wanted it to be.
Even though you rejected me, it's fine.
I'm just glad that we can still be friends.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Legs to my chest, tears from my eyes.

I sat on my bed, staring at the sky.
Legs to my chest, tears from my eyes.
The memories are too painful, too bitter.
Yet I remember the times when everything was better.

The days in front of the fire.
The days when we faced each others ire.
The days in the meadows,
Basking in your shadow.

The lovely days in cafes,
Sipping on frothy lattes.
The days on the beach,
Playing with someone's bitch.

The days in the library,
Studying history and geometry.
The days at the park,
Where we pranced about like larks.

The nights at the silver screen,
Not once did we look at the screen.
The nights at the pubs,
And then we'd hit the clubs.

The nights in the alleyway,
Making out till May.
The night of June,
It was going to end soon.

Nothing I said made you change your mind.
Nothing I did, made you become mine.
You walked out the door,
Leaving me empty in my core.

You said you'd never leave me,
But I was too blind to see.
You used me and my feelings for you.
Just so you could show that I was a fool.

I sat on my bed, staring at the sky.
Legs to my chest, tears from my eyes.
I opened the window to meet the night.
I started to fly, and soon I saw the light.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

In love with Naruto, all over again.
Well, not the anime, or the manga actually.
Just the fanfics...

*Sigh* Naruto... If you were real, I'd treat you like a princess...
I can't believe I'm actually saying all this...

I must be going bonkers...

On a sadder note, I might not be going to Japan or Germany anymore!
*Sniff sniff*

Monday, June 7, 2010

Japan, here I come!

Nagoya and Kyoto, here I come!
Pretty psyched by this upcoming trip to Japan.
I've never once lost my liking for Japanese culture and cuisine.
The history is long, the culture rich and the cuisine, exquisite!

Can't wait for the 18th!
The first sin of man is faith.
The first virtue is doubt.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I am deranged...

I'm floating on clouds of imagination,
Carried to my castle in the sky.
To my domain of sweet temptation,
That mortals see with prying eye.

Ich schwebe auf Wolken der Einbildungskraft,
Getragen zu meiner Burg am Himmel.
Zu meiner Domäne der süßer Versuchung,
Den Sterbliche mit neugierigem Auge sehen

The wine flows freely,
The bread soft as snow.
With every sip there be a fee,
With every bite there be a blow.

Der Wein fließt frei,
Das Brot, das weich ist als Schnee.
Mit jedem Nippen gibt es eine Gebühr,
Mit jedem Biss gibt es einen Schlag.

Mortal mind can't comprehend,
The beauty of my insanity.
Before mortal might I will send,
My sin and they will flee.

Sterbliches Gemüt kann nicht verstehen,
Die Schönheit meines Wahnsinns.
Bevor Sterblicher ich betreibt, werde schicken,
Meine Sünde und sie werden fliehen.

Human day ends,
Demonic night begins.
Time and space bends,
Humans shed their skins.

Menschlicher Tag beendet,
Dämonische Nacht beginnt.
Zeit und Platz biegt,
Menschen verschütten ihre Häute.

Safe and sound,
In my castle in Hell.
The damned are bound,
And in my ears they yell.

Safe und hört sich an,
In meiner Burg in Hölle.
Das verdammte ist gebunden,
Und in meinen Ohren schreien sie.

Such sweet, tempting music,
The cacophony of a thousand souls.
I wear my ornate tunic,
Through my cryptic garden I strolls.

Solche süße, verführerische Musik,
Der Missklang von einen tausend Seelen.
Ich trage meine gezierte Uniformjacke,
Durch meinen rätselhaften Garten schlendere ich.

I awaken in my room,
All has changed.
Trapped in my padded tomb.
I am deranged.

Ich erwecke in meinem Zimmer,
Alle haben geändert.
Eingefangen in meiner gepolsterten Grabstätte.
Ich bin gestört.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Gonna have some friends over for dinner tomorrow.
Hope that it'll be a good time...
And here's a little music for us.

P.S: I apologize for not blogging that often, but seriously... Life is so boring right now... Mein Leben ist Langweilig...

Friday, May 21, 2010

To Tom...

I figured that since I've always been doing alot of Bill posts, this one will be for Tom!
So, instead of just gooing on and on and on about how great he is, I'll let the pics do it for me.









Friday, May 14, 2010

I had a wonderful morning.
Woke at 4.20am, which means only about 2 hours of sleep.
Chatted with a new friend from 5am till 11am.
Wonderful morning.

Uneventful afternoon, which saw me take a 30min nap.
Call a hotel.
Receive a call from a hotel
Watch a movie

Boring evening.
Had dinner
Received another phone call from the hotel.
Napped.

And now I've been pulled into a talk, that's hosted by my uncle...
*Sigh* I don't wanna go. But still, I think I'll just make the most of it.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Looking back, I see why I liked Hitler.

Placing myself in the shoes of a German citizen.
The anger, the humiliation that I faced.
Our sense of National Pride, taken away from us by the signing of that "Diktat".
Then came along, one obscure man, who promised us more than just work and bread.
Here was a man, an ordinary guy, who would restore our National Pride.
One who would defiantly break the Treaty of Versailles.
Give us more lebensraum.
His anti-semitic views would've spurred me on, and made me believe that the Jews were to blame.
It would be easier blaming someone who's different from us, then to blame my own fellow Germans.
I can see why, I would have voted for him in the elections.

But it's horrific.
The thought of voting for the man who would bring the whole of Europe to the brink of destruction.
Supported by men who believed in a "Total War".
A war that would cost the lives of 50 million soldiers. 6 million Jews.
The almost total destruction of Germany as a Nation...




Just thought I'd do some self reflection...

Thursday, May 6, 2010

I need to go shopping for white pants and shoes soon...
A nice brown leather belt wouldn't hurt as well.
Neither would...
Nevermind, I got a bag that suits the piece perfectly.
But I do need the white pants and shoes, and the leather belt.

La dee da...
I'm so bored.

Friday, April 30, 2010

I'm a drink ;)

Ayron (Beverage with yogurt)


"Ayron" is mostly made in summer times, as it is cold and nice beverage. "Ayron" is prepared from so called "suzma" it is kind of sour yogurt. But you can also make it with a simple yogurt. Some people add salt in it and some not. We like it with:)

Ingredients:
200 gr of "Suzma" or yogurt
400 ml of cold, pure drinking water
Salt to taste
Some mint leaves for decoration
In a blender add "suzma", water and salt, combine all the ingredients until smooth. Pour in glass and decorate with mint leaves. Enjoy!
Yoqimli ishtaha!!!

http://www.uzbekcooking.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Das ist eine grosse verrat!!!

Tokio Hotel was in town.
Thought it was by invite only.
Turns out it wasn't.
Pamela is my number 1enemy now.
Be afraid.