Monday, May 30, 2011

Family Fendi

Here I am, back in camp...
Looking for something, and not finding it.
Hmm, it still eludes me. I'm actually clueless as to how to go about looking for it.

I have a date at 2am:dessertbar on Saturday.
It should be fun.
A huge thank you to my new friend, who made me feel much, much better after getting robbed.
And kudos to the extremely friendly and hospitable staff at Ngee Ann City's Fendi.
You made me feel really welcomed and wanted there. You'll definitely find me there more often.

I'm glad we kissed and made up. Because if we didn't, I'm not sure what I'd do if I lose you again...
I'm sorry if I made you worried. But that's just me. And you're really nice to me.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

You left me alone...

You left me alone...
You didn't stay when I needed you most...
Fuck you. Can I still trust you?! I don't know...
You seemed to always be there when I needed you.
But seems like you proved me wrong today.
I want to trust you still, but after today, I'm not sure I can...
Were you afraid of me?! Is that it?! That's why you left?!
I always knew that people wouldn't accept me. But not you...
Perhaps you accept me, perhaps you don't...
But right now I just hate you so much...
You left me alone...

Friday, May 27, 2011

Fond Memories

They were fond memories...
Memories of you and I.
How I would wait for you, but never you for I.
We would never see each other's face, just see each other's words.
And we'd read and read those messages, and feel that everything was alright.
But then you decided that you were too busy one day.
But still I waited for you. Always at night, just waiting, just waiting.
Till one day you just stopped completely, and I knew that things could never be.
Your attempts to contact me again, met with something cold.
There was nothing left between us. Just a gap that was once filled.
We left, on perhaps, not the best of terms. But still I hoped that we would remain friends.
I should've realized that it was never meant to be.
Two insane people, were never meant to be. Likes repel, and unlikes attract.
We would've seeked too much attention, that neither of us could give.
We would ultimatley kill ourselves in our pursuit for love...
But t'is quite sometime already...
Let's forget it and just move on.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Sleepy... Gonna get some rest soon...
Unpurposeful, unwanted, unneeded...

Room's getting crowded again, so I'll sleep soon to escape from it all...
I'm never gonna be what I wanna be am I?
The dark came for me last night.
I had almost forgotten what it felt like...
I'm not afraid of it no more. Not gonna hide it.
Beautiful crimson flow of death.
The sweet red wine of life.
That's what I crave, and that's what I want.
How dark can I go? Let's see how far down damnation's path I can go.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Born This Way (We all need a good cry don't we?)

Thought I'd just put this video up to help me along with my re-discovery process.
But anyways, just find myself constantly reminded that I don't want to be here at all...
And that perhaps much better things await me somewhere else. Maybe something worse awaits me. I don't know for sure, and it's kind of scary. Writing about this now makes my heart beat faster, and not in a good way. The kind of 'I'm feeling so anxious' kind of way...
Looks like we're in for some rain tonight, which is good, because I want that to be my mood now.
I want someone to cry for me, since I am incapable of crying now.
We all need a good cry once in a while don't we?
We all just want someone to catch us in our moment of weakness and be there to comfort us don't we?
To have arms wrapped around you when you're feeling so scared and alone.
To not have them say anything, but communicate what you need with small physical gestures.

Just got back at 1:15am from training... It's crazy, sleeping times are getting pushed back more and more, while wake up timing is getting earlier and earlier. Thankfully wake up timing is at 6:45am.

Been thinking about dragons and humans today.
And I'm wondering how I could incorporate that into the new me.
Maybe I will, maybe I won't. We'll see, we'll see.

Anyways after this week is over, things will be relatively more relaxed.
Hope to spend sometime with my close friends soon.
And I definitely need to finish composing my email for Leo by tomorrow...

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The night has come. And I am being drawn into the world of dark.
But soon, something physical will draw me away, from the ethereal, the surreal.
And I will be thrust back into the world of reality.
Never escaping for more than a moment, before being grasped again by the cruelty of the world.
I am never a master of my own life. Merely bits of flotsam floating in the sea...
Why can I never be part of my own world, my own kind?
Spread my dragon wings and fly. To the furthest moon, to the coldest star.
Harpooned back to the ground by the hands of man.
My mystical being, touched by filthy limbs.
I am defiled, I am undone...

Friday, May 20, 2011

Back from training... It's been pretty fun. But it's tiring at the same time.
Tomorrow is book out day. After more training that is.
Still deciding if I want to arrange for things to happen this weekend.

Plan for redesigning myself.

-Understand what/who I am.
-Embrace that understanding, and to accept myself for what/who I am.
-Build upon it to reinforce it outwardly.
-Live it to the fullest.

Just a brief outline of how I plan to acheive my redesign.
Still on Point no.1

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

For Morgan.

2 new posts on the Literary Diary.
I hope you enjoy them. Although I will admit right here, and right now that they are crappy shit pieces of work that cannot hold a candle to my older works...
I'm afraid that the spark of creativity lasted only that season. And I fear that it may never return.
I hope that is not true, because part of my being lives in that...

Well, anyways, the works are for you. Enjoy ^^

Continual seeking

Whew... The day is over. Which is a good thing.
Now just gotta clear the other 3 days and I'll be fine.
Reading some articles to help give me some in depth about who I really am.
But so far it's not really helping. Since what they're telling me is what I already know about myself.
I'll continue seeking.
Getting set for a day of training.
It's gonna be a long, short week.
Missing my German friends alot...
Wanna be back there with them...
I especially miss Leo... D=

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Going to spend some time this week or next to redesign myself.
To begin to search for the real me. I must admit I'm feeling a little lost as to what I am myself.
I need to embrace my literary and artistic roots again. I'm feeling drained...

Stay tuned to watch me transform from this stinking old meat sack, into the real me.
The darker side of Thayron.
The darker, more beautiful side of moi.
I'm getting hyped up about rediscovering myself!!!

Until then this is all I have for today.
Love you all, my dear readers.
Hugs and kisses.
Going back to camp today...
And this just feels like one of those days where I open my eyes and drag my lazy ass from my bed, to the kitchen and make some delicious breakfast. And I'll enjoy it on the balcony of my penthouse apartment.

Sadly I do not own a penthouse apartment...

Monday, May 16, 2011

Sporting short hair and eyeliner.
Thank goodness I can still pull it off.
Next time: Eye shadow.

I realize that the eyeliner is hardly visible...
But trust me. It's there.
I should know. I put'em there.

Feeling so very jealous.

Today's mood forecast. Jealous.

Feeling awfully jealous of my past self right now...
I want my hair back!
And I want to wear make up again!!!
I don't wanna be in the army!
I don't wanna be in Singapore!
I wanna be able to go where I want, when I want!!!
And live out my fantasies and forget about reality...

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Back from the field.
Now on my bed, writing my diary, listening to music, and blogging...
It's been an overly frustrating day. Navigation is definitely not my forte...
Getting lost in the jungle, slipping and falling, spraining my ankle and getting exhausted.
Sergeants there are no help as well, save for one.
Thank you unknown sergeant for your encouragement and your 'hints' ^^

Now I'ma just grab some rest and get ready for tomorrow...
Long day ahead.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

So, here I am in the Company Office... Doing my COS duties... Such a bitch.
But anyways, had a wonderful time at the wedding reception and the dinner last night.
Perhaps a little too much of a wonderful time. Wine was flowing like water, and I was drinking like no tomorrow. Ended up with a bad headache at 2am in the morning, which sucked.

All the best to my Aunt and her handsome Groom!

I just came to the realization that it doesn't matter where you are, or when I'm going to see you again.
All that matters is that I will get to see you again, and I want to spend the most time that I can with you.
All else is a bonus.
Cheer up my brother. I'll be seeing you real soon ^^

Saturday, May 7, 2011

So, I'm back from Field Camp!
I got one helluva nasty heat rash, and COS duties on Sunday to boot...
Not a happy boy now...

But still, it's great to finally be out of the jungle.
There's a tea ceremony tomorrow, and a wedding dinner to attend.
Now, to decide what to wear...

Monday, May 2, 2011

So... I drank. Even though I said I wouldn't.
But it wasn't much. Only 4-5 shots... Okay, that was quite a bit.
But still, not alot.

Anyways, the drink is doing what it's supposed to be doing, and it's fading away.
I, unfortunately, am not doing what I'm supposed to do...
Still, it's nice to know that there are some people who care.
Thank you.

I got COS on Sunday... But it's okay.
I hope to get what I want on Friday night and saturday.


Going back to camp tonight.
Need to pack my stuff and get ready for outfield tomorrow night.
Wish me luck, and pray that Bill will survive the jungle horrors.



Some remixes of classic, and I mean CLASSIC, Tokio Hotel songs.

1) Monsoon

2) Ready, Set, Go!