Monday, December 12, 2011

Little Doll Miscreate

A slight feeling of melancholy descends upon me yet again. What I had thought had fled from me the night before has come about once more. I cannot say what has brought this about, neither can I say why I feel this way. But one thing is for certain, I'm not feeling alright at all.

It feels as if something bad has happened, but I don't want to believe so. I cry at the thought that perhaps something might have happened to you, and that I won't be there. That I may never see you ever again. That you will never speak to me again. That I will never hear from you, or feel you, or touch you ever again... It drives my mind to insanity, and shatters my heart so much so that I don't want to live anymore...

And if I do not get things straight with you before then, then on my own head be it. I will bear the specter of regret for as long as I live, which shan't be long if truly something terrible did happen to you...

For one who doesn't believe in God, I hope, I pray now with all my heart that nothing has happened to you...

To the madness of my mind,
Only deep purposeful sleep is kind.
To soothe the sorrows of the day,
Only to start the endless dismay.

Rough touches of hurtful glass,
That draws sreams of blood it does.
To numb that which words cannot,
To make peace which is most sought.

And cracked this porcleain doll shall be,
But not for the cruel world to see.
Only to the One who can appreciate,
This little doll that was miscreate.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Need to keep moving...

Hey everyone! A slightly belated post. So, I'm back from Germany, and sadly, it's back to reality for me... I had lots of fun there, doing the stuff boys do. Well, not regular boys anyway. But still, I had fun, and it's actually weird to be back in Singapore...

There were so many activities going on in Frankfurt, one hardly knows what to do at all... Then I come back to Singapore and there's nothing to do that I hardly know what to do at all... So, this weekend there's ice skating and probably movie to enjoy. I dunno...

Ice skating was introduced to me in Germany, and I must say that it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I thought I woul fall the moment I hit the ice, but I guess I didn't after all. Okay, that was a lie. So I did hit the floor, pretty hard might I add. But that don't stop me from trying again. So this weekend I'ma try it out and see how it's like.

Wish me luck. I think I'ma need it to emerge unscathed.

Monday, November 7, 2011

And so ends the journey of nearly a year.
A new one starts, as the phoenix rises again from the ashes.
Understandably, this blog hasn't been exactly lively, and it can't be blamed on my schedule.
I have all the time in the world during the weekends to update, but well, there's really nothing interesting here at all.

That being said, there's only one thing that is quite the highlight, and the cherry on top of my cream for this year. A week in Germany, with my beloved friend.
It's a very sudden trip, and one that was planned almost on the spot. As such, I have no plans at all for this coming trip, other than to go with the flow. To go where he leads, and to follow like a little love sick puppy.

Undeniably, this boy has cast a spell over me. A spell of love... *Sigh*
How else to explain the rising heartbeat, the heat in my ears, and the constant sighs I give, whenever I come acoss his name? How else to explain the wide smile and the elevated moods when I get a letter from him?

I'm only too glad to be caught in his spell.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Carry me off to that place once more.
To the heavens, where resides angel's core.
Corrupt it from the inside out.
And from the darkness quells the raging storm.

Gonna be home soon, and lots to tell then.
But until such a time, it is suffice to say that I am alive and well.
I had time enough to myself, as to be able to finish Agatha's best selling novel yet.
"And then there were none."
A splendidly written book, with traces of the supernatural within the natural.
With heightened sense of fear pervading the air, even I was drawn into the world of Soldier's Island.

It is my wish to be able to express myself artistically.
Call me bohemian, or longing for the life of the rich and the famous.
Whether real, or make belief.
 I think I shall enjoy being dead where I can live out my fantasies.
To drink and be merry, to kill without consequence.
A certain bloodlust resides in me, and yet, I am unable to hurt those that I can see.
Perhaps not those who are undesirable to us, and repungant to nature.
But then again, they are beyond my reach. Deaths made to look like accidents?
Murder is easy. The only trick is not getting caught.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

This blog is very dead...
Can't blame me completely can you?
Finally got my 3SG rank. Will fill you in again when I've got the time.
Maybe later in the afternoon.
Heading for Wallaby soon.
Will be gone for 3 weeks.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

And so there I stood, surrounded by fools.
By those who cannot even begin to know what I am.
A paradox in the flesh, an unsolvable rubiks.
Come and understand me, or at least try our best to.
See that I am, not so different.
I still am only human after all.
But alas, they do not try to.
Perhaps they are afraid to.
And yet they want to hear the other things that make me interesting.
They want to hear the stories and experiences,
But they are all afraid to be there when it happens.
I bring them to places that they don't even know.
I bring them to new heights of pleasure and pain.
But they are mortals, and afraid of what they don't know.
They let me go and venture to these new sensations,
To return to tell them what it's like.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Saying Goodbye?

It's hard to describe the mood that I currently bear.
Is it one of neutrality? Or is it one of apathy?
Have I lost my feelings and become numb to all that I am?

I am dying...
Losing myself to the madness that is reality.
To the demons of realness and cruelty.

They are pulling me away from all that I love.
And have come to acknowledge as my own.
As a part of me...

The next few weeks are not my own.
I will be undertaking one of the tougher parts of my training...
And it is here that I will decide whether I stand or fall.
And when I fall, do I do it lying down?
Or do I go fighting till the end?

Words for mself to ponder and reflect upon...
Well... Time to fly.
Fly to the last vestiges of all that is me...
And we shall see if it is time to say goodbye.

Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm home, but have to return soon... This sucks...
Army is getting tougher and tougher... And I've been given extras because of someone's mistake...
It's not fair, but then life is never fair...

Shan't be updating for a long time... As you guys can already see...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Deep Longing.

I find myself at a point where I cannot think.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot live.

I feel my heart breaking apart.
Like the ice on a frozen lake.
It hurts, and I feel like dying.

I dream of you always.
And want to see your face again.
Mein Liebe.

Walks in the park,
Down the street,
In the sun.

Sitting on chairs,
At cafes.

Having ice cream,
Lick by lick,
Playful little pups.

Trapped by the virtue of my birth.
Held by chains.
Killed by reality.

To not see you is agony.
To not hear from you is death.
And so I die.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Feeling contented and well taken care of after last night's rendezvous at a little place I like to call my personal slice of heaven on earth.
I felt damn VIP there, and I could totally just picture myself going there every weekend if I can.
Ah well, gonna go to my new camp tomorrow. It's in some really deserted area, which pisses the shit out of me, since commuting there will be a bitch... But it's gonna be fun. I think...
Hmm... Scratch that, probably gonna be some tough training up ahead for me. Pff...

I want to fly away and be with you.
By your side, through thick and thin.
Loving you for who you are.
And kissing you till we're both too damn tired to go on anymore.