Turning Point

So, I went out to Suntec to study with Kel yesterday at Starbucks. Starbucks ain't such a bad place, really. It's quiet and they got a really good practice of shouting back their orders just to confirm that they heard right. But I still prefer Coffee Bean to Starbucks. If only we could combine the quietness and the culture of Starbucks with the good coffee and food of Coffee Bean. That is my idea of a perfect cafe. Maybe my future carrer will be to run such an outlet...

Cynthia joined us to at Starbucks too, then we proceeded to an unknown chicken rice stall for dinner. I wouldn't call the food extremely good, but I wouldn't say it tastes really bad as well. I think it's just normal. But I like the variety. Definitely more choices than your average chicken rice stall.

On the way back home, Kel and I just talked about really, really cool stuff. Like authoritarian regimes, the Vietnam War, WWII, the monarchy in England and how it has changed, and some really random stuff about nationalities. (e.g: If I'm born in UK, my nationality will be British, Born in Ireland, nationality will be Irish.) Well we stopped at Ireland, for a moment I though Kel was gonna ask me about Scotland. Cynthia, I apologize if I monopolized Kel yesterday...

It was a really great time of fellowship. I went from super depressed after my History paper to not so depressed and even forgetting about my troubles for a while.

I don't wanna be hypocritical anymore. It's really been a heartbreaking two weeks for me. I never thought that I would be bitter towards anyone and especially not to God. But then again I was. I now know so many things.

I am persuaded that no angels nor demons, principalities nor powers, no height nor depth can seperate me from the love of Christ. For I have not been given a spirit of bondage again to fear, but a spirit of love and adoption by whom I cry out "Abba Father".

(29/10/2008)

The fear of taking back what I said is so very real now.
The song says, "Where would I be without You here in my life?"
I've no answer to that.
I've never felt so dry and so barren before.
All that I've done for the past 2 weeks has been hypocritical.
It just isn't fair to me...
I wish what I shared for testimony would come to pass.
Unfortunately, it ain't so.
It's been too long.
I guess, from what I've heard from others much younger than me, that I'm not the favoured one.
Another promise, among many more, which has failed to come to pass.
I've read some blogs of interest.
I'm a coward.
I suppose this is what someone once called, sifting.
Tis' the season of sifting out those who are committed and those who aren't.
Friends truly indeed are seasonal.


Going for my History paper today.

(17/10/2008)

Right, so I went for yesterday's outreach. It was great to see so many new faces and it was a good time of fellowship with a member.

T'was a hard night for me.
I can't bring myself to believe that God is real.
It's just so unfair.

?

Should I go?

(25/10/2008)

A cancerous cell is essentially a cell gone rogue. It must be removed promptly, lest it becomes malignant and spreads to other parts of the body causing it to shut down and die.

Mr. Virtueless
Mr. Cellophane

(25/10/2008)

Well, I think I did rather well for my 'O' Level maths paper 1. All that's left is maths paper 2 and physics. These are the papers which worry me...

(24/10/2008)

I'm going for my maths paper 1 now.

When I stand before the King, what will I say?
Will I even be before Him?

The memories of old come back to haunt my dreams. Bringing me to a perverted fantasy of my own creation.

For whatever reason I do not know, but perhaps I shouldn't be created.
I'd not have known Him, and I wouldn;t have to face the many things that I face today.

I've never truly knew a love such as this.
I can't even love myself.

(23/10/2008)

Friday's my maths paper 1. I'm not ready...

I wonder about the realness of God... It's kinda hard to beleive that He's here with me always...

(20/10/2008)

I just got back from a rather nerve wrecking 'O' Level paper. But I'll choose to trust in my God than hear what the world has to say. I'll Think, Hear, Visiualize and Speak good thoughts.

Jesus SHOW me, I'm waiting on You.

Please pray for me guys, I'm having my english paper 1 and paper 2 tomorrow.

(20/10/2008)

It's time for my 'O' Level to officially start. Chem paper today, and I'm really looking forward to it.

I need a new phone...

(18/10/2008)

It's been too long.
Too long have we been apart.
Is it me, is it You?

No warm nights, no bright days.
No more hugs, no kisses.
No more songs of love.

How long should I wait?
A day, week, month, year?
Should I wait for eternity?

Silently I grieve.
In my heart I weep.
My body dies

I think daily of You.
The moments we've shared.
But now, tis' all but naught.

'O' Level Science Practical (16/10/2008)

So, I had my 'O' Level science practical today. Was tough, but I could do it! Haha! Physics was too easy, they even drew the graph and gave us the table to record our results. Too easy. For chemistry though, it was a little tougher than What we had been trained for. It was done in a way which we have never been taught to do, so alot of confused faces today. But by the grace of God I managed to complete it without much difficulities. I lift my paper in to Your hands.

Jesus SHOW me.

(15/10/2008)

Tomorrow's the day... Tomorrow I'll be having my 'O' Level science practical... Kinda glad that it's starting earlier this year. I can finsh it quick and forget about it.

*sigh* Choosing courses for my tertiary education is way harder than selecting a secondary school... I mean there's too many courses that I like, but I'm seeking for something that will let me pursue my future.

Jesus, SHOW me.

Right now, these are the courses that I have shorlisted.

Clean Energy
Baking and culinary sciences
Food and nutririon (Specialising in Nutrition)
Nursing
SHATEC (is still on the table)
MI (also on the table)

Jesus, SHOW me.

(14/10/2008)

I went to school today, what a waste of time. All my teachers were either absent or not teaching. Totally wasted my time. But, hey, it's okay. At least I know that some of my teachers care alot for me.

2 days to 'O' Levels. My future depends on it. Or at least that's what the world wants me to think. My future is secure in Jesus.

I spent some time a few weeks back talking to the Holy Spirit.

Me: Holy Spirit?
Holy Spirit: Yes, my friend?
Me: You've called me for greater things right? Will that depend on my 'O' Levels?
Holy Spirit: Even if you didn't do well for your 'O's I will still use you. Eyes have not seen, nor ears heard, what I will do in your life.
Me: Can I trust You?
Holy Spirit: Will you?

My future is secure in Christ Jesus, everyday brings me closer to a major milestone in my life. It's the 2nd day of my 40 day fast. I'm excited about what's gonna happen in my life.

(13/10/2008)

I spent the night writing this story, followed by a night's rest with Kino.

Once, a man committed a crime. He was brought beofre the emperor. The emperor knew the gravity of the situation and, by law, should have sentenced him to death. The emperor without a second thought immediately pardoned the man, not only for this crim, but all else he had committed. The man left the castle with tears in his eyes, and joy in his heart.

The emperor's councillors were puzzled at his decision and consulted the emperor, "Why, my liege, did you pardon the man? He has committed a grave crime and should be punished."
The emperor simply replied, "The man has committed a crime, no doubt. But I love my subjects as a father. Would not a father pardon his son when he has wronged? Would a father condemn his son if he has erred? I would think not."

The councillors, not satisfied with his reply continued to speak amongst themselves, and then came back to the emperor, "But sire, wouldst not the man err again and yet again? Wouldst he not take the opportunity to continue this life of crime and sin?"
The emperor smiled and said, "If I took his life, would I not have robbed him of his chance of redemption? If I took his life would not I have sinned, though the blade not fall by my hand? And who am I that I should not forgive him when He above, has forgiven me my many sins? Because I love him, I have forgiven the man. Now leave this matter and never bring it up again."


-Power is when we have every justification to kill, but choose not to.

3 days to 'O' Levels.

(11/10/2008)

Amazingly, I just woke up... Never again. Cell Group last night was awesome. It's been a long time since I felt so light hearted about the whole thing. Message was very short, but it also spoke to my soul. Right now I would say I'm going through the priority test, but I'm coping well with Jesus at my side.

I believe that great things are gonna happen, and not only me, but Cynthia does too. It is a time when the Holy Spirit is moving in our lives. I'm really looking forward to service today.

Thank God for strength to leave this burden behind. Never thoguht I could do it, but I guess I'm wrong.

In 6 days time, 'O' Levels are gonna start. I'm apprehensive about the whole thing, but on the other hand I thank God that it is also one day closer to the end of 'O's

(9/10/2008)

In exactly 1 week's time I'll be sitting for my 'O' Levels. I'm still a little apprehensive about my future, but I know I can trust in my God.

Curse my flesh.

Bess

I grieve, yet dare not show my discontent;
I love, and yet am forced to hate, I dote but dare not what I meant;
I seem stark mute, yet inwardly do prate.
I am and am not; freeze and yet I burn,
Since from myself and my other self I turn.
My care is like the shadow in the sun,
Follows me flying, flies when I pursue it.
Sounds and lives by me, does what I have done.
O let me live with more sweet content
Or die and so forget what love e'er meant.

-Elizabeth I, Queen of England (1533-1603)