Deep Longing.

I find myself at a point where I cannot think.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot live.

I feel my heart breaking apart.
Like the ice on a frozen lake.
It hurts, and I feel like dying.

I dream of you always.
And want to see your face again.
Mein Liebe.

Walks in the park,
Down the street,
In the sun.

Sitting on chairs,
Benches,
At cafes.

Having ice cream,
Lick by lick,
Playful little pups.

Trapped by the virtue of my birth.
Held by chains.
Killed by reality.

To not see you is agony.
To not hear from you is death.
And so I die.

Feeling contented and well taken care of after last night's rendezvous at a little place I like to call my personal slice of heaven on earth.
I felt damn VIP there, and I could totally just picture myself going there every weekend if I can.
Ah well, gonna go to my new camp tomorrow. It's in some really deserted area, which pisses the shit out of me, since commuting there will be a bitch... But it's gonna be fun. I think...
Hmm... Scratch that, probably gonna be some tough training up ahead for me. Pff...

I want to fly away and be with you.
By your side, through thick and thin.
Loving you for who you are.
And kissing you till we're both too damn tired to go on anymore.

I found my slice of heaven on earth at 2am.
Defintely my place to be. Nice drinks and the desserts are absolutely fabulous!!!
They'll definitely see me as a regular there ^^
Now to solve the problem of how to get money to make it a regular event....

18 months left

Officially 18 months of servitude left...
Counting down the days till we're together again.
It also happens to be payday. And if they've yet to back pay me, they'd better start doing it now.
Pff... It's only thursday... Which sucks, since there's a private sale going on at Fendi.
And I wouldn't mind going down. See Damien perhaps. Kekeke...

Ass fucked...

Well, here I am. Still standing. Or rather still lying down... I'm walking around like I just got ass fucked. Which is not glamorous at all... Survived the 28km march, though I've heard my commander say that it was actually 34km. I can't believe that they would mind fuck us so much!

Really tempted to give up at the 8km mark, because we marched 8km straight, even though we were supposed to have a rest after every 4km... Still, I managed to pull through. Thinking of you, you gave me strength. That plus the thought of having to redo the whole damn thing if I fell out was a very strong motivator. The last stretch was definitely the toughest, and definitely the most rewarding. Especially when your surroundings starts to become familiar, you ignore the pain. Block out the fatigue, and just press on. Suddenly everyone's spirit was lifted with loud singing. Singing songs of encouragement, and of pride. Foxtrot warriors were marching in to camp. Shouting out to announce it to the whole camp! Ultimately, those who made it for sure felt a sense of pride. Of achievement. This is not something that everyone can accomplish so easily.

Well, I'm just damn proud to say that I made it through it all.
I've survived when others started falling out.
I am strong within.
I hope you're proud of me. Because I did this for you.

Setting off now for the long walk tonight... I'm stocked with energy drinks, and that should help keep me awake overnight. I hope...
Because last time I walked that far, it was overnight as well, and feeling sleepy was the worst part of it all. That plus the terrible aching in my feet. Well, gonna go now.

Slow day... Resting as much as I can now for the long walk tonight...
Pff... Not particularly looking towards it, but it has to be done. And the sense of accomplishment should be greater. Oh, I got a new haircut.

Gonna be doing my 28km NE Graduation March tomorrow. Will be marching overnight, just like during the 24km POP march. Just that it's gonna be 4km longer. Will I make it? I certainly hope so...

I miss you, my love.
My heart aches for you,
And I yearn to be with you yet again.
Alas cruel fates have decided that it shall not be so.
But lady luck has given me a way.
I shall return to your side yet again.
And I hope to have you just as you were.
Just as you will always have me, just as I am.
Keep yourself for me my sweetheart.
And I shall be yours, and yours alone for all time.
Yours lovingly,
T.E.S

Straight club? No thanks.

Went for Candis' birthday on Saturday at P.S Cafe again...
Well, no matter, now that I'm earning a little bit more, it's fine to spend a little sometimes.
Still, I need money for visiting Leo again.
Anyways, after dinner there, we headed to Zouk to continue partying.
Thing is, the place was so boring I actually dozed off so many times there...
Power naps, so to speak. Music was shitty as well... I'm never stepping into another straight club ever again... Sorry Candis. I guess the straight scene is just not for me...

I respect my boss alot, but when he asks me to do something impossible and something just plain stupid, I can't respect him anymore.
Also, I think he's just being mean about the whole damn thing.
So, thanks to him, he just took another day from me.

Pff... Still got one last IPPT. For foundation term at least.
If I don't go to Pro term, then it'll be my last for this year. I hope...
Booking out today. Gonna go home for some nice R&R.

18 months left.

Half a month gone... Time is flying at a faster pace then I have imagined...
And yet it is passing by painfully slow...
Still I only have 18 months of service left to serve, come 9th of June.
I am thinking deeply of all the people that I've not hung out with for so long.
Not excluding my German friends of course, and definitely you, Leo.

The frailty of human life is disgustingly real...
It is frail beyond imagining, where one false move, or one accident can snuff us out.
Just as a candle light is snuffed out by a mere breath.
*Sigh*