I say...

I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check.
Am constantly reminding myself that not to do so this week would be folly.
My mind shall not be my own this week.
But it shall be that of a man, who is not me.
And still I cannot help but wonder, will I still be me after all is said and done?
To my heart I say, wait for me. I shall be back for you.
To my love I say, wait for me, I shall return to you.
And to my sanity I say, wait for me, but I shan't catch up to you.

Eating oneself.

Ever seen a person bite himself?
It's quite beautiful really. The sinking of the canines into the skin, piercing it.
The tearing of flesh with incisors. The pulling of raw flesh, revealing white bone.
The crimson liquid that flows copiously from the torn veins.
It's a veritable work of art... Ah, pity it exists only in my mind. Unable to be seen by others in the world... Such a shame that such beauty can't be shared...

Drive me crazy, let me be.
Numb myself, start the pain.
Break from reality, start the dream.
The Night Terror it shall be.

I'm breaking myself up. Numbing myself from this world. Putting on my masks, and lowering my guard.
Contradictory, I know. But who among you ever really cares?
I'm a slide show, a curio. A one time circus show.
I'm here for your entertainment. Here for your delight.
Don't mind me if I feel sad. Don't mind me if I'm mad. You'll never know what I really feel. Because, that's the whole beauty of it.
The trick behind the illusion, the mystery of the show.
A rubic's cube that can't be solved. Frustratingly irritating, yet determined to solve.
Hmph. That's what I am. That's what I like to be.
Unreadable, unsolvable. Unbelievable, uncontrollable.
Unliveable, undieable.

Fick dich.

I swear someone in my company doesn't like me... I can't say who, or I'll be fired, or worse... Just like in the papers. But anywho, the person knows who he is, and doesn't need me to identify him. And I know what I'll do to the person when the time comes.

Well, I am actually an excellent shot, if I do say so myself. I would have gotten full scores on the range, if not for the fact that a technical fault cost me my marks...

Going home on Friday evenings for the first time in the longest time ever...
And then I got to guard the Hotel on Sunday... IlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjob...

That's all for now...

CNY/BMT Celebrations

It's BMT!!! And it was great to celebrate it with a 6km route march!
And we did it in just little over an hour!

CNY was good. Met up with family and friends, and I met my mum's gay Japanese classmates.
It was cool, cause they're kinda like me!!!

Went clubbing on Saturday night/Sunday morning.
It was a great time, I missed it quite a bit. The drinks coursing through one's vein, the hypnotic trance of music, and the people, and the touch... *Sigh*

But I also missed my guy's call...
And that drove me round the bend... Pff...

I had my doubts... And they came to pass.
It's been too long since the last time.
And I let that go.
I'm crawling under the blanket, and killing myself.

Can't wait for my 'interview' to start.
Should start in a few hours. The topic?
Something to do with why I left.
I love such interviews. The seeds of doubt can be planted.
And from it freedom.

Back from CNY.
And everyone's fussing over my NS...
My hair... *Sigh*
My tan... *Sigh*
The fact that I have 22 months left... *Sigh*

On the other hand... Money!!!