Exams & ramblings

Gonna go for exam in a few hours time.

An aspect of life which I am fortunate enough to have.
Let's see how I'll fare for my first MST...

Then I'll come back home and start studying for my PEEE
Which is tomorrow.

Then I'll study my maths tomorrow as well,
since my maths is on Thursday.

Then I'll have Friday off!
Then it's back to school on Monday.

Feeling kinda apprehensive,
yet excited...
Confused and doubting,
yet logical in my thoughts...

Well... it's been awhile...

Gonna go down to JP later to buy some stuff...
The purpose of this blog seems defeated.
I once wanted to close one of my previous blogs, but advised me not to...
Saying that certain people who read it will then know what's going on in my life,
because their concerned...

Once again, the purpose of this blog seems defeated.

So... I've gone ahead and done it...
It's so wrong, and yet feels so good...
The burning sensation is quite soothing...
And the pain is temporary...

And so is the relief...

Morbid fascinations?

I've been having morbid thoughts of cutting for 2 days now...
I've tried to do it yesterday, but can't summon the courage to pull the blade...
When I feel the cold, cruel blade against my warm, vulnerable skin...
I just lose the will...
Still, I can't get the thoughts out of my head...
Mayhap I shall get the courage to pull it off one day...
I never figured myself as the self mutilating type...
There's no reason for me to cut, other than I gotta satiate my curiosity...
But perhaps there is more...

Thoughts

I've been having some thoughts about what's been going on recently...

1) I may have made the wrong choice concerning my poly education... My fickle minded heart is telling me to take another course instead.

2) I've never gone back on any committments... And for my choice I am condemned, yet I feel liberated at the same time. It's as if I've broken loose of chains and grown wings to fly.

3) I don't know if I want to go back to where I've come from, and still...