(29/9/2008)

I've got alot of mixed feelings right now. Directed to whom I ain't exactly clear. I do know one thing though, and that is,


I'd rather not have known you at all.

(24/9/2008)

Well I made it through the first half of the week. It's Wednesday! And it's gonna be friday soon. We're also having our WYZ youth cell group meeting then. I'm excited and can't wait. It about 22 days left to 'O' Levels and 59 days to the end of 'O' Levels... It's such a long time. It's basically 12 days of exam stretched into 2 months... *sigh* But after that I'm done with it and will be moving on to a new phase of life. I'm kinda jittery at the thought of it. Cuz after that it'll be about 2-3 years before I get enlisted into NS. Time really flies...

(20/9/2008)

Well... From my previous post I guess you guys know that I didn't do very well. But thank God that my teacher praised me for something.

Ms Chin: Okay this question is God sent for those geography students. You all hor should be very good with this. Even Ayron got better answers than me.

Marcus Cheng: Ms Chin, Ayron is history student.

Ms Chin: Is it? I nearly wanted to tell your geography teacher how well he did. So all those geography students who don't get full marks should be ashamed!

Haha! It's nice to hear comments like that from my chemistry teacher.
Unfortunately, I've also disappointed my math teacher...

Mr Chew: Ayron, this paper hor, utter disappointment...

*sigh* I never thought that I would disappoint him. But it also shows that he has high hopes for me. So does my english teacher and my chemistry teacher... Now they're all asking me for A1...

(18/9/2008)

I didn't do very well for my prelims... Jesus my Saviour, I believe, I believe.

(16/9/2008)

A fantastic meeting with Mr. Jimmy Yim and Pastor Kong last night. A great time of sharing and I got to see Pastor Kong in a different light.

Mr. Jimmy Yim is our church's legal advisor and the defense lawyer of the Novena church trial. He shared a few details that the newspaper did not report and I got to see, in a way, the way a trial runs. Not easy. But what he said in the end is very true.

In this time and age, you cannot play the good Samaritan, without being prudent.
-Mr. Jimmy Yim

We then had a 15 minutes break, afterwich Pastor Kong came and shared with us his burden for the church. He showed us an hour long video on a tour of New Life church in Taiwan, headed by Pastor Abraham.

A few things that really impacted me as I watched this video
-All the members of New Life church play an active part.
-They have limited resources, but they are doing so much more.
-The members are very creative, using every bit of opportunity to evangelise.
-The members really love their pastor.
-They learnt everything from City Harvest Church.

Pastor was just sharing that why is it that New Life church is experiencing exponential growth, and we are struggling with 8%-15% growth. Pastor, I'll be a son of the house.

A love that stands

There's not much to say or do right now. What's happened has happened. BUT, why has it come down to this?

I asked myself last night, "Why did I come to church?"

Ans: My own 'personal' reasons.

But from that it grew into a genuine love for God. A love that today still is here.
Through all that has happened, He stood by me. Never forsaking. I have come to the point of realizing that, when I am down or I don't feel the presence of God, it is not He who has forsaken, but I.

I wanna thank God for His faithfulness, that's why I sing, "Great is Your faithfulness!"
I wanna thank God for blessing upon blessing He has poured over my life.
But,
I wanna thank God, in advance, for the impending breakthrough in my life.

(14/9/2008)

In 1 month's time my 'O' levels will take place, and yet my future seems uncertain. True I have Jesus with me. But what do You want with me? Where to next? Back to port or the wide open sea? I'd love to travel the seven seas, marvelling at it's opulent grandeur. And yet it seems I'm restricted. I'm tired of all this and wish it'd all go away, but since this can't be so, I shan't think like that.

I'm tired of so many things, but I'll be tenacious and hang on.

(12/9/2008)

Praise the Lord! I've finished my last paper for my prelims! I'm so ecstatic! Now all that's standing between me and freedom is 'O' levels. It's gonna be soon, and I'll be ready for it. So far no nasty comments. So I can only surmise that James is a coward.

(11/9/2008)

Dear friends,
Thank you for standing up for me, but please don't get involved. With so many things happening already, I just don't want you guys to get involved and become a target yourself. I really appreciate you guys standing up for me, and I love y'all.
I am with all my love, yours sincerely, Ayron.


To: James
From: Ayron

Dear sir/madam/alien,
I have told you before, but I feel compelled to inform you again. Against people, such as you, I will not hesitate to take legal action. If I ever see anyone who comes about harrasing, sexually and otherwise, and threatening, I will make sure justice prevails. I will do all I can to take it to the highest authority. Don't ever let me see such things happening either to my family, friends and myself.

Yours faithfully.

(10/9/2008)

My blog apparently is visited not only by those who know it, but also those whom I haven't met. Strange, yet it doesn't matter. James, your vocabulary is appalingly limited. Might I suggest you read a dictionary whenever you're free. Oh, you must definitely be a stalker. At least I know now. Let me just say that people like you are cowards, stupid and just plain lame. Don't waste your time like that. Go do something creative, like looking for your aliens or something.

James, I don't know who you are and all, but please, do not think for a moment you can intimidate me or any of my friends. Your intimidation succeeds on other people only because you put up a fierce front. When it comes to actions, well... You're nothing. If you are mature you would know that fighting is for animals. Civilized people fight with words. Nice words I mean, not the type of colourful language that you use. Once again, I do not appreciate people like you, and you're just disgusting.

Also, I think I can choose waht I wanna believe. If I wanna believe in God then I'll continue believing in Him. You wanna believe in your aliens, then go ahead. It's a free country. Of course even if I saw an alien I'll still believe in my God.

And if you wanna talk things out you can always look for me. Don't spam my cbox. It's really irritating. I'll leave it here already, but I'm warning you now. Don't ever, ever disturb my friends, my family and I again, or you'll pay the piper. This I can assure you.

(9/9/2008)

Now, I'm just sitting at home, waiting for my paper to start. Social Studies, not a particularly favourite subject of mine, but it doesn't matter. I'll still do my best for it and shine for Christ in my school. Not for my glory but Yours.

(8/9/2008)

Today's my 3rd day of becoming closer to breakthrough! I just got back home from my prelims... Whoo... I tell you, it's actually easier than it seems! They were all like, "Prelims ah? Siao liao lah!" But thank God for peace of mind and clarity of thought. I managed to finish my history paper within the time limit when my other friends could not. So thank God for that. I also thank God that the essay that I wrote, was probably my best so far, and I can already hear my Humanities teacher going, "Ayron! Do so well, I thought never do assignment should fail!" Or something like that. Whatever it is, I do it not for my glory, but for my Father's. Let Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven today.

But for my physics practical, well... Not as well done, but! I've not given up on it. Initially when I saw that they've set up an electric cicuit, I thought, "Die liao!" But My Abba Daddy comforted me and when I started doing the paper, it was so easy! Unfortunately there were some changes that we had to make on the paper, (Change 0.50A to 0.70A ) which I left out! So pissed when I thnk about it... But nevermind! I have faith that I will still pass! Because Jesus is my God! Then for the chemistry practical I think I did rather well, but there were some rather wierd results collected, like, hydrogen gas evolved, but damp blue litmus paper turned red. Huh? Like what is going on?! Nevertheless, I repeated the experiment 3 times, thus if they find fault I have some form of evidence that this is the result I collected. In the end most of us were puzzled by the end result of solid Q and liquid P, so at least I ain't alone. Thank God though for this day! It's kinda fruitful, and now to study my maths before going out for dinner with Joel. And the condemned sat down for the last supper. Haha!

Joel, my bro! I'll miss you alot while you're in NS! It will mean we can't communicate as much, but nevertheless, I pray that NS will strengthen you both physically and spiritually (The spiritual part I'm not too sure how, but let God do the work!). I look forward to seeing you soon!
God bless ya! You're a wonderful brother to me and many people! Shine for Christ while in NS!

Amazing Grace

It is God's amazing grace by which I am able to boldly come before His throne. As I sang my heart out to Him, He just comforted and assured me. Just like a father would. He is my heavenly Father, in Him there is no condemnation. As I live by the grace of God I will forever be with Him. I am His, for He chose me to do a great work in my lifetime.

As I wept tears today I let it flow, just flow. As I stood before His altar today I just let the tears continue to flow. And what a release I had in my life. The first step of breakthrough has been taken. Now to be courageous and take the second step.

I close the first day of being closer to breakthrough with a prayer and a kiss to my Abba Father.

(6/9/2008)

*sigh* What an amazing night I had... God had been chasing my heart for the past 2-3 days, and I just kept running further and further. But thank God, He sent an angel to lasso me in. If not I would have just ran further and further away from God.

Dearest Daddy,
Thank You for the work that You've done and are still doing in my life, I strive to live a life that is pure, pleasing and acceptable to You. Thank You for the price that You've paid for my sins. That in You I am a new creation, always. Abba Father, I just pray that You come and fill me with Your Holy Spirit, and continue to use me for the glory of Your kingdom, I pray that one day my story can be used as a great testimony, to testify the truly, great and marvellous work that You've done in me.

Dear Kel,
Thank you for chasing me down, even though I was reluctant to share, but thank you for being so 'stubborn'. Thank you for not forsaking me, and standing by me through it all. Ultimately, thank you for being my bestest friend.

Dear Cynthia,
Thank you for just taking your date day to come and visit me. It wasn't much but you came down with Kel just to visit me. I wish that there's more to say but there isn't. To sum it up, thanks for being such a great and caring leader.

Dear Emily, Joel and Wei Yang,
Thank you for the care and concern that you've had for me over the past week or so. Thanks for your e-mails and smses. Much love.

Dear James,
Not much to say to you except, Get behind me satan! For you are not mindful of the things of God! I will choose to remain in my Father's house, forever in His tight embrace. For I belong to Him, not to the world, nor to satan! Your words, like the fiery darts, will be quenched!

The joy of the Lord is my strength, and in Him, the weak can say that they are strong.
The day of breakthrough draws closer with every passing day. If only you can believe.

To James and nnfytk

Dearest James,
Firstly, let me just say, confidently, that I don't know you and you don't know me. But let's put that aside. What makes you think I'm gay? I'm not sure that we've met, thus you can't have seen the way I talk and act right? Unless you've been my 'partner' before or you're a stalker... In that case, I'm flattered, I don't have any stalkers, you're the first. Secondly, I feel that believing in the natural, and being a free thinker like you is kinda boring, I've been one myself, I wasn't born a Christian y'know. Oh yeah, lets meet soon, you look like a fun guy to hang around. Lets meet up soon.
Faithfully, Ayron

nnfytk,
you don't have to stand up for me, since you've already decided that you don't care, go and find someone else to stand up for. I don't need you. Anonymous people are such a bore... The sense of mystery don't help much

(5/9/2008)

It's friday. And tomorrow will be saturday. What will I do then? Will I hide, or will I run back to Him? I wish it was easier, but then again, things in life are never as easy as it seems eh? When you think about how you wanna do it in your mind, wow, there's so much courage, no fear at all. The moment you wanna put your thoughts into actions, then the fear comes... That's how it always is with me. That's why I've lost precious people, precious things. Soon, if I don't do something soon, I'll lose what I have left...

I really just can't find it in myself to be confident anymore... Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Dearest Kelvin,
I know that you care for me, and you love me. But I just can't find it in myself to have the courage to share. I really would like to pour out onto someone, but I just don't know whom. The fear or inadequacy or something just keeps holding me back.
Sincerely, Ayron

Hypocritical me...

I've been living 2 lives this week. The first one is the 'I'm fine' life. To most people whom I talk to, I'm fine. The 2nd one is the 'I'm not fine' life... I guess you guys know what I mean eh?

5 minutes ago I just got off the phone with a brother. He said that he called me to share his burden, saying that he finds peace whenever he talks to me. He says I'm a good listener too... But it's such a lie... A hypocritical lie. I'm strong to others, but in truth, I'm not someone you should lean on. If you lean on me, you'll just fall down when I come tumbling down... I'm such a hypocrite...

(4/9/2008)

It's nice to see people who can be so confident about God. To be so in love with Him...

(3/8/2008)

I told myself I'd be strong. How can I lead people when I am not doing well myself? I told myself, I wouldn't be a burden. But I'm slipping more into that direction. Thank God for friends, those that care, I mean.

(1/9/2008)

I feel... Empty. So Hollow, no warmth within.
Let me go back to the times when we could just be together, anywhere, any time.
And I'd just enjoy the time we have together in silence.
Take me back in time, and leave me there forever.