Childlike faith

I love Rev Casey Treat! He has very simpl, innocent and childlike faith. Something which I don't have, but wanna achieve. I wanna do more than just believe in God. I wanna trust in Him! Rev Casey's life experiences are truly motivational for me. All he had was simple faith, and wham! God just blesses him time and time again. Truly, I'm gonna have faith as that of a child, simple and innocent.

The beauty of God

The beauty of God

Every where I go, there's no running from You.
Looking up, down, left, right, inside, out I'll find You.
In the highest mountain, in the darkest valley,
In a wide open field, in my tiny room,
I'll always find You, waiting just for me.

In the rough seas, in the calm skies,
In the rough times, You're always in my life.
We know each other, yet we're so far apart.
But I know where to find You,
So you'll always have my heart.

The beauty of God, I'll always applaud.
I'll lift You high, praise and exalt.
For there is none as deserving,
As my Lord and King.

(29/8/2008)

I'm gonna go back to Lakeside today, with my freaky haircut and see if any of the teachers recognize me. I haven't returned to Lakeside since I went into secondary school. But I think it'll be okay. This one time trip will be something special and memorable, than going back every year. That's what I think at least.

Afterwhich I'll go downtown to get my new camera. It's time I owned 1 of my own.


Sailing for a few days now, and my Lord has presented me with a gift. Something to treasure, something to share. It almost seems impossible for me to accept it, what with my failures and all. But He assured me that the reason He chose me, was because I'm capable of it.

(28/8/2008)

Let's see... Firstly, I went to get my hair cut, and it's freaky... Nevermind about that. You can't really cry over spilt milk anyways. Secondly, it's Teacher's day tomorrow and I don't wanna go, but I think my teacher's really wanna see me... It's nice to know that even teacher's wanna hang with me. Thirdly, my latest essay got me a 20 out of 30! Praise the Lord! It has been such a long time since I saw a 20 on any of my essays. My teacher's comment was, "Rather emotive." Which according to her is good! So I'll post it up for you guys to enjoy!

Justice

Day after day, I would arrest dissidents, on the charge of treason or for going against the policies of the Party. I always thought they got what they deserved. No questions were asked about who we were going after or why. Usually the fate of these people would be unknown. We were always told after a mission that we were enforcing the law, administering justice to a chaotic and lawless world. We were seen as heroes, as people who upheld the righteous justice system. Or at least that's what they told us.

As usual we were sent on another mission to administer, much deserved, justice. this time a family living in a suburban area near the country side. Following procedure, we broke the door, went in and rounded up everyone, the children even. As theey were lined up outside, my commanding officer heralded, "You are all under arrest for conspiracy against the Party and for assisting the rebels in bringing down the regime."

Perfectly normal, I thought, but then something struck me. Were eight-year old children capable of conspiracy? I hardly think so, though it wasn't my place to question what was being done. As per instructions, we ransacked the house looking for "secret documents" and proof of conspiracy. As I methodically went through every room, I saw a pink Diary. I picked it up and flipped through its pages...

18th September 2027
Dear Diary,
I'm scared. Today a black van drove up to the school. Then the men in black pulled Ms. Kutner out of the class. We all ran to the window, and saw her argue with the men in black. Then he took out a gun and shot her! The men in black came into our class and said that she had been a bad woman.

Was this our justice system? What happened to the right to a lawyer? In 15 years in the force I have never heard of public executions, let alone in front of so many children. Is this the justice we were administering to the people? Is this, after all, what this world needs? I questioned my superiors about it, and they told me to forget about it, as they would not want the pleasure of arresting me on the charge of treason. Is this justice?

I learnt a few days later, that the girl who wrote the diary was shot, along with the rest of the family. I couldn't take it anymore. I left the forfe, unable to bear the guilt that I had assisted in killing a little girl. Perhaps our justice was an injustice.

Do let me know what you think about it. Frankly it's one of my favourite essays that I have personally written.

(27/8/2008)

My ship's been patched and ready for cast off. Mon Capitan! Lead the way. As usual, I'll grab Your hand and follow You wherever You go. Don't wanna be behind or in front of You, but just right next to You.

(26/8/2008)

My ship sank after just less than one day of sailing... Now to decide. Patch up the ship and continue or to just await rescue from another ship.

Full Circle

I'm so lost on the seas... I have no port to call to. No ship to rescue me. I'm just lost in this great big ocean. Just God and me.

I'm waiting my Lord. Bring me full circle, just like You said You would. I'll do anything. Just bring me full circle, back to the beggining.

Happy Birthday Pastor!

Dear Pastor Kong,
Thank you for being an inspiration to us. Your love for God and people is truly a beacon of hope for all to see. So here's wishing you a very happy, blessed, birthday!

(23/8/2008)

Thank you Kelvin, Cynthia, Joel and Emy for believing in me.

(22/8/2008)

You can call me a bastard or treat me like dirt. But don't ignore me!

People don't change

If you've ever watched House M.D, then you'll understand when Dr. Gregory House says, "People don't change." Thinking on what he said, it's quite true. I have come to believe that people don't change. They suppress. People don't change their characteristics, they suppress it and produce another. Mean while these suppressed traits and personalities are stored away in the subconcious of the subconcious, forgotten, but still there. They are then stored away forever. Some of us go through our entire lives not realizing that they are suppressing their characteristics. Those that do realize, however, are more prone to remebering them. This can be brought on by a distant faded memory, a recent event, etc, etc... In short, a powerful incident. The person then chooses to embrace his/her old characteristics again, or to discard them back into the subconcious of the subconcious.

(20/8/2008)

I'm bored, and clueless as to what to do... I don't wanna be like that. I wanna feel like I know what I'm studying for. I want to feel like there is something to achieve through it all. I just wanna go back to the simple times of God and me. When He would just come and give me a hug or say "I love you" out of the blue... I miss those times...

I apologize

To: Whom it may concern,

Thank you for pointing out my flaws, good use of language, very much impressed by your command of the english language. Who knows, you may be better than me. What I did was not acceptable I admit, not only was I aggravating and irksome, I was a jerk. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I apologize for my childish behaviour, and would like to make it up to you, I just don't know how. Any suggestions?

From: Ayron

I wasn't informed that we weren't going to have a prayer meeting today... Do you know how much I look forward to it, then only to have been told at the last minute that you guys ain't coming? And if I didn't even ask or check with you guys, I don't think any of you would have told me... I am pissed, definitely, but forget about it. I'll see you guys this saturday.

(19/8/2008)

Until now I still have no idea why I'm studying. The more I think of it the more I am convinced that I don't need to... And yet subconciously I want to... How would y'all feel should I fail? How would me parents feel?

Once again, another day passes. Another day of unpleasantness. Is it me? Is it you? I think it's you. Yet I refuse to let you interfere with my day. For today I will stop running wild. Today I hear Your call. And You got me, all of me!

(18/8/2008)

I have spent the whole day being insulted by people. Calling me all sorts of things, in the name of fun. It's fun isn't it to make fun of me? So long as it ain't you.

English 'O' Level Oral Exam just ended a few hours ago, and I don't think I did well at all... Since sec 1 I could make the examiner smile at me and want the conversation to go on. Not this time. He just refused to smile and curtly said, "Okay, you can go."

I mean c'mon! The least you could do was break the monotone couldn't ya? It's boring for me to talk to someone who doesn't smile or have expression in his voice. I called Wei Yang immediately after I left the school. Thanks man for encouraging me! I don't think I did well, but God knows I did my best.

I just wanna thank all those who have been praying for me, and especially Desmond!

(15/8/2008)

I need to cry... I'm quite sad at the time this post is posted, thus the need to cry. There isn't anywhere or anyone I can turn to in the school... It's nice to know that I'm still remebered by those who are clost to my heart.

Once again, I still have no idea why I'm studying so hard. It somehow just doesn't make any sense. In all that is happening right now I just don't have the drive, or the motivation... I don't wanna do something that I'll regret for the rest of my life. Sure an enducation is important, but it's not essential to what I wanna accomplish, there just isn't any sense. I'll press on though. But I'm disliking it. Alot.

Dreamless sleep

I slept at 8pm last night. Woke up at 5.30am this morning. It was the beset sleep I've had in a long time. Serene. Quiet. Dreamless. No nightmares. No bad dreams. Nothing. Truly the best sleep I've had in a long time. And yet, I went to sleep with a heavy heart. I have no idea what it is though...

Friends. I need 'em

A friend once told me...
"Do not protect yourself with fences, but protect yourself with FRIENDS!
I'm here for ya!"

Y'know, I wonder from time to time. Would I be capable of protecting another? Would I be able to protect that which is dearest to me? I would like to think so. But as I have come to realize, I'm not even capable of taking care of myself...

Can I still be your friend?

Can I still be Your friend?

Wasted effort?

It feels like 9 days of running gone to waste. All because of 1 stupid decision. I don't wanna talk about it now... But I'm picking up faster than before. But as I think of it, is ti a good thing or a bad thing? Is it because I know the grace of God is sufficient, or is it because my heart has been seared by a hot iron? I hope it's the former not the latter...

I thank God that I managed to catch up with a dear friend today. We took the bus home together and just talked. It's been a long time since we did that. I really enjoyed it.

Stay strong in the Lord, my friend.
Loving ya!

(11/8/2008)

I have no idea what I'm studying for... Seriously, I know what I want and, what I want doesn't require a piece of paper... But still to think that I'm studying just to get into a poly, and then not enjoy what I am doing... It just sucks.

I missed out on another chance of fellowship again. You have no idea how much it's been bugging me. To think that it'll be another week before I see you guys again... Sunday service was something that spoke to me. While I have been serving, I'm only serving when it's convenient for me. No more such things.

"...And yet I show you a more excellent way."
1 Cor 12:31

(9/8/2008)

*Sigh* I thought me and me mum were gonna go out today, but... We didn't... Oh well, it doesn't matter, so long as I have Him in my life I'm fine!

Emily, thank you for the wonderful times we've spent together this past 2 months. You've been my joy! Continue to be strong in the Lord.

God's Mysterious Ways

I was just reading a dear friend's blog. How far he has come since day 1. And yet, this happens. Should I be blaming people? I should think not. SHould I blame God for letting this happen? Now as I thought about it he reminded me of a show I watched. 'Keeping Mum', that's the title. Now in the show Rowan Atkinson was a vicar, and he delivered a sermon on God's Mysterious Ways. The Lord reminded me of this scene...

"Now, should we demand an explaination from our Lord? Question His methods? I don't think the good Lord wants us to question Him too much." He then quotes Isaiah 55, "For my ways are higher than your ways... I think what the good Lord really means is, "I'm mysterious folks. Live with it."

As this scene flashed through my mind I am in a way comforted. Thank God that in Him there is always a good ending.

Chocolate chip cookies

In the midst of life we are constantly caught up with work, studies, relationship problems, financial problems, etc, etc... (the list just goes on and on.)

We seek desperately for ways to find peace. Suicide? It's quite common really. Hanging out with friends? It's really common, nothing I have against. But please ensure you're with the right type of friends. Doing more work? I'm not too sure abouth this one, but some of my classmates do more homework to find peace. (wierd huh?)

For me, my peace is in God. In Him I am secure. Knowing very well that He is watching over me. I thank God that I have the talent to cook. Besides God I find peace in cooking. And enjoying homemade chocolate chip cookies! (makes me sound like and emotional eater...) But it just brings me great joy to enjoy my own creations. I'm bringing those chocolate chip cookies for cell group meeting later. I made 'em especially for Emy! I miss you sister! Can't wait to see you later. But more importantly I thank God that we're having cell group meeting later. Let it be a time of encounters with Him!

Much loves!

(8/8/2008)

I thank my God for who I am.
In Him I am much.
In Him there is freedom.
In Him there is peace.

All I am is because of You.
All I am is for You.
Great is Your faithfulness.
Great is Your love.

In You there is liberty.
In you there is joy.
Holy are You Lord.
Precious are You to me.

(7/8/2008)

Thank God it's near the end of the week. Tomorrow is just National Day Celebrations at school. Unfortunately for me, I was asked to help with the packing up after the celebrations and all that... And unfortunately for me, my mouth wouldn't say 'No' (Fine... I couldn't say no...)

Anyways after this blog entry I'm going to wash up and start baking cookies for tomorrow and for the cellgroup outing to Pulau Ubin. It's been so long since I've been there... The last time I was there I was only 10 years old. My mum brought me there for my birthday. I was, however, too young to appreciate it. Plus, if I recall I fell sick while I was there.

"But earnestly desire the best gifts. And yet I show you a more excellent way."
-Paul to the Corinthians at Corinth. (1 Cor 12:31)

Lord, I ask that You will come into my life and do a work in me. Help me to love another as much as I love myself. In Jesus' name, amen.

(6/8/2008)

I'm back from school and am really bored right now. Doesn't matter... Nothing much has happened the past few days. Nothing interesting at least.

I know God loves me, complete with my flaws and all. I'm sure he knows what He's buying. And I know I'm so precious in His eyes that He gave His only Son for me.

Thank You so much!

Up and running

My first, properly created, blog. Thanks to Belle, for teaching me how to set it up. :)

More posts coming up soon.